Guard Jokes

Why can't Americans play LoL?

They can't guard their towers.

Love Card

What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

You. Why I oughta...! Edit: Wow, thanks for all the love. My son is quite the character and he really caught me off guard with this!

What do you call a guard with a hundred legs?

A sentrypede.

How many Frenchmen does it take to guard Paris?

No one knows, it's never been done before

What do you call it when an author catches you off guard with innuendo?

Surprise subtext.

How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.

How the hell did he escaped?

Guard: He went through the entrance.

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Hire Jokes More Hire Jokes

Why was Tom Cruise hired by Volkswagen?

Emission Impossible

Why should we hire you?

Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because they can't change anything.

How many Soviets does it take to change a light bulb?

None! In Soviet Russia, light bulb changes you!

Mac Os X Jokes More Mac Os X Jokes

What do you get when you have Windows and Mac OS X dual booting from the same computer?

A co-operating system.

Why was Mac OS X hired as the prison guard?

Because he kept locking up.

Guardian Jokes More Guardian Jokes

What do you call Samsung store security guards?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung?

The guardians of the galaxy!

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

How are that many Republicans candidates supposed to debate each other at once?

Throw a dollar bill in the floor and let the last one alive run for president.

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

Please let me know... I have a terrible sense of humor!

Prevent Jokes More Prevent Jokes

Why do prison guards use Proactive?

To prevent further breakouts.

Why do women need to wear jockstraps while skydiving?

To prevent them from whistling.

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.

How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?

One

Pimp Jokes More Pimp Jokes

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for Halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.