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Holiness Jokes

What do you call the pope after a drive by?

Your holiness

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Jesus Christ Jokes More Jesus Christ Jokes

What's it called when you look in the mirror and say "Jesus Christ I look good"?

Using the lords name in vanity

What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (Jesus Christ this one's even worse than the last)

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

When is a farmer like a magician?

When he turns his cow to pasture.

How does one turn a fox into a pig?

Marry her.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?

Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time? Mom: No, Never! Son: Well neither would he!

Why do hipsters only use the microwave?

Because they don't like conventional ovens.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea?

I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away.

Why is Bon Jovi's bed always messy?

Because he thinks it doesn't matter if you make it or not

Holy Sheet Jokes More Holy Sheet Jokes

What did the Pope say when he first saw the Shroud of Turin?

Holy Sheet!

What did the pastor say when his blanket rose up from his bed?

Holy Sheet!

Boil Jokes More Boil Jokes

What do they have for lunch at Monster School?

Human beans boiled legs pickled bunions and eyes-cream.

What do you get if you boil funnybones?

A laughing stock.

Holy Crap Jokes More Holy Crap Jokes

What goes in God's Toilet?

Holy crap.

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

Satan Jokes More Satan Jokes

Whatcha makin'?

God: Trust. Man can use it to form lasting bonds and friendships. What you making Satan: A bong.

Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time?

Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme.