Ill Jokes

What do you say when your ex has broken up with you?

Ill call you tomorow

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Which Norse God consistently uses VPNs?

Ill give you a hint, he remains very low-key.

What do you call a pirate's helicopter?

An Eye-patchy helicopter!. Ill show myself out.

What would you do of you found Chicago, Ill.?

Call Baltimore, M.D.

What did the tiger say to the detective?

I'm not lion. Ill be here all week...

What do you call a sick bird who has crossed a national border without consent?

An ILL-EAGLE! 2X COMBO

Why can't you run in camp sites?

Its 'ran', because it's past tents... Ill see myself out.

How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?

He uses Hare Spray... (Ill see myself out)

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Realise Jokes More Realise Jokes

What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and then realise it was your air freshener..

Remain Jokes More Remain Jokes

What do you think it'll be like?

The other student shrugs and says, "Remains to be seen".

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

Law Jokes More Law Jokes

What do you call a psychic midget on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of wood doesn't float?

Natalie Wood.

What kind of person are you if you open the door from the bottom of the door?

A low-key person

Airplane Jokes More Airplane Jokes

What does a vulture bring with him on the airplane?

His carrion bag.

Why did the airplane no longer work?

Because it was ly ill.

Suffer Jokes More Suffer Jokes

Why did Levi Strauss suffer from chronic diarrhea?

It runs in his jeans.

What does a menopausal Vietnam vet suffer from?

Hot flashbacks

Performer Jokes More Performer Jokes

What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire?

How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on Thanksgiving)

What happened to the performer who read poetry to terminally ill patients?

He suffered an elegiac reaction.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

Why should've Christians chosen farts over bread?

It's more fun to break wind

How many 1980s R &amp?

B divas does it take to fix a broken lightbulb? Just one, but they fix the crack by torchlight