Inspire Jokes

What flavor gum does a scientist prefer?

Exspearamint. inspired by the presidential gum joke.

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What song does Freddy Krueger listen to when he gets a manicure?

I got Kniiiiiives on it! that inspired the joke.

What medication that can make people inspire you?

Aspirin sorry guys

Who inspires you?

ME: Peter Piper. INTERVIEWER: What does he do ME: It's difficult to say.

What's the difference between a feminist and a battery?

Batteries have a positive side! inspired by: http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2zlrot/howmanyfeministsdoesittaketochangea/

What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to?

Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one.

How does Beyonce answer the phone?

HALO HALO HALO!* - inspired from the Superbowl XLV11 Half-Time show

What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?

It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

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Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of music does your mailman like?

Postrock/Postpunk

What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?

Lawsuits.

Revolution Jokes More Revolution Jokes

What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?

Both are measured in revolutions per minute.

Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?

He was following the Tsar.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

How many UPM's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None! If you'd just make it a day exterior we wouldn't be screwing around with all these damn light bulbs!

What you gonna do on St. Valentine's Day?

What day is it " "Friday." "Shepherd's Pie."

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why shouldn't you tell a philosophy major a joke?

They don't find them Hume-erous.

What was the humor like back then?

I was just wondering about how many jokes today maybe irrelevant 100 years into the future. To test this theory, what are the oldest recorded jokes?

Bo Burnham Jokes More Bo Burnham Jokes

Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

Listen Jokes More Listen Jokes

How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods?

Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!

Which band does rockclimbers listen to?

Rolling Stones

Genius Jokes More Genius Jokes

How do you say genius sarcastically?

Apple genius.

What do you call an inspiring jerk session?

A stroke of genius!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon?

The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from.