Inspire Jokes

What flavor gum does a scientist prefer?

Exspearamint. inspired by the presidential gum joke.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What song does Freddy Krueger listen to when he gets a manicure?

I got Kniiiiiives on it! that inspired the joke.

What medication that can make people inspire you?

Aspirin sorry guys

Who inspires you?

ME: Peter Piper. INTERVIEWER: What does he do ME: It's difficult to say.

What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to?

Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one.

How does Beyonce answer the phone?

HALO HALO HALO!* - inspired from the Superbowl XLV11 Half-Time show

What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?

It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

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1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

Why did the pervert buy 16.5 pints of salsa?

2 gals 1 cup(http://www.reddit.com/r/Canning/comments/yyhsp/my20triptothelocallatinmarketnetted165/)

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What's a politicians favorite kind of dance move?

Poll dancing!

What kind of socks do you find in your backyard?

Garden hose.

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

How do you open a door underwater?

You swimming pull

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"

Coup Jokes More Coup Jokes

Why can't you have military coup in Russia?

Because in Russia the military coups you.

What bird is most likely to inspire a revolution?

A pigeon... "Coup, coup"

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many Steam employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks.

How many controlled oposition does it take to change a light bulb?

None you know of. Since they signed a Non Disclosure Agreement to not talk about it.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero.

How many scientists it takes to change a lightbulb?

None *et al.*

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between the Olympic long distance race and the Paralympic long distance race?

A lap

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?

Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

String Jokes More String Jokes

What did the string say to the harp?

No, you're a lyre!

How did the unqualified harp player get into the orchestra?

She pulled some strings.