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Length Jokes

What do men and Subway have in common?

They both exaggerate the length.

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What did the tailor say to his customer after shortening the length of his pants?

A-hem!

Why did the bad demon burn after finding the length it took to rise diagonally from hell?

Cos' sin tans

How do you calculate the length of rosemary?

Sprigonometry

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Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

How's it hanging?

I'm not sorry.

Why were all the ladies attracted to Jesus?

Because he was hung like this. (Hold your arms out wide)

Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

Why can't Democrats sell pants?

They believe in a single-pair system.

Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing?

Just in case you get a hole in one.

Spread Jokes More Spread Jokes

What do you do if you step on a landmine?

Well standard procedure is to jump 50 feet and spread over a wide area.

How do Egyptians warn each other about a spreading fire?

Pyroglyphs.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

How is a man like a snowstorm?

You never know when he's coming how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why didn't Jesus play during the Isreal-Palestine soccer game?

He got suspended.

What was Jesus favorite games?

Hangman and lacrosse

Hem Jokes More Hem Jokes

What did the tailor say to his customer after shortening the length of his pants?

A-hem!

Where are you going?

Me: Out. I can't stand being hemmed in by four walls. Wife: How many walls has the pub got Five

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What did the Swedish chef say to his girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant?

Abort - Bort - Bort!

How do you find a blind man in a nudist camp?

It's not hard.

Side Jokes More Side Jokes

How can you tell that the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling out of sides of his mouth.

What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.