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Subway Jokes

What do men and Subway have in common?

They both exaggerate the length.

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What do me and Subway have in common?

12 inches

How are strippers and Subway workers similar?

They'll both lie and tell you it's a footlong to get paid.

How do you fit an elephant in to a subway?

Take the 's' out of "sub" and the 'f' out of "way"

What do Santa and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kids rooms with an empty sack

What did Jarod from subway get on his first night in jail?

A foot long

What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?

They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.

How did Jared from Subway get food poisoning?

He ate a 5 year old weiner

What's Jared from Subway's favorite chord?

A flat minor

What will they ask Jared of Subway in the prison shower?

Do you want a 6 or a 12 inch one?' I heard this joke on Bill Burr's podcast.

What's the difference between Jared from Subway's gut and his junk?

He prefers his gut when it's down 45 pounds, and his junk when it's up 45 pounds.

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What's the best part about Subway sandwiches?

The tiny little buns

Why did Subway take Jared so seriously?

It was obvious he was kidding.

How do you fit an elephant in the subway?

You take the letter "S" out of "sub", and the letter "F" out of "way".

What should you do if you get an erection on the subway?

Get off at the next stop!

What do you call a midget in a subway saying, "tick...tick...tick..."?

A metro-gnome

What do you call a barking dog riding the subway?

A sub-woofer!!!

How do you get a full grown elephant on to the subway?

You take the "S" out of "Sub", and then you take the "F" out of "Way".

What is a zombie's favorite restaurant?

Subway: East flesh!

How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don't have feet?

By crawling to the counter " GET OUT

What do you call the people who make sandwiches at Subway?

Sub humans.

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Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"?

Even art majors deserve recognition

What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet?

A pedometer

Why did Jared from Subway call Boyz2Men?

He thought they had delivery service.

Why did the feminist get fired from Subway?

Because she refused to make a sandwich

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What's black and brown on the inside and blue and white on the outside?

Jail

Why did the green bean go to jail?

He was disturbing the peas.

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What did the other nose say to the other nose when it was crying?

It told it a Nak-Nak joke! (In my language Urdu, Nak means nose.)

What did the calculus teacher tell the crew of his submarine while they were diving?

Derive, derive, derive!

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?

Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!

What did the German small intestine say when you asked him if he would go to the party?

Vill i

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How do you keep a blonde busy for years?

Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.

How much do you love me?

Count the stars in the sky and that's how much I love you "But it's so cloudy" *pats her on the head* Yeah I know

Stripper Jokes More Stripper Jokes

Why does nobody ever talk about Jack the Ripper's sleazier French cousin?

Jock the stripper.

What secret society do strippers work for?

The Illuminaughty.

Length Jokes More Length Jokes

What did the tailor say to his customer after shortening the length of his pants?

A-hem!

How do you calculate the length of rosemary?

Sprigonometry

Santa Claus Jokes More Santa Claus Jokes

What does Santa Claus call his more thuggish elves?

Gangsta wrappers!

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?

He keeps a log

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

What is every young ladys ultimate Disney fantasy?

To sit on Pinnochios face and hope he tells lies.

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"