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Light Jokes

Why did the light turn red?

You would too if you were caught changing in the middle of the street!

We've Got This Love Thing Down
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Why didn't the Photon have any luggage on the plane?

He was Travelling Light

Who's there! Brighton! Brighton who?

Brighton-der the light of the moon!

How does a blonde turn on the light after making love?

Opens the car door.

What lights up a football pitch at night?

A football match.......

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

Shine a flashlight in their ear.

How many suh boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, its already lit fam. I cannot take credit for this due to being told this joke by a freind. He was in fact lit af.

What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire?

Arrr son!

Which do you light first?

The match

What's the best thing to bring to your holiday party?

A Christmas tree. Because they're lit.

Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed?

With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes
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How about pets?

That's fine" dog walks in and lights up "We'll take it"

How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A hundred but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.

How many Biebers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. There are no light bulbs in the closet. Another one: Why is Justin Bieber so pale Because there's no light inside the closet

How many boxers does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They're used to having their lights knocked out.That joke turned dark fast. I'll see myself to my respective corner.

How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.

How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

None cuz it's already lit af

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Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven?

The Y2K deadline!

What does CPA stand for?

Can't Produce Anything

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What do you have there?

Me: struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down Ham.

Where does Stevie Wonder park his car?

In blind spots.

Soviet Union Jokes More Soviet Union Jokes

Why did the Soviet Union fail?

Too much Stalin'. Yeah it's bad but it made me giggle when I thought of it...

Why couldn't the Soviet Union get anything done?

They were always either Russian or Stalin.

Autism Jokes More Autism Jokes

How many Anti-Vaxxers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

As a mother, I choose not to screw it in. Light bulbs are dangerous weapons created by the Soviet Union, and I will not screw it in; it could severely hurt my child. As everyone knows, light bulbs are the principle source of autism in this world, and I have to take a stand on it.

What's the worst part about admitting to your friends and family you play PokemanGo?

Having to admit you have autism:,P

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many wiseguys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who's asking

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to unscrew it, and one to hold the ladder.

Design Jokes More Design Jokes

What do you call someone who designs playgrounds?

A Park-itect

Why is there lipstick on your collar?

She yelled. "It's part of the design," I said, opening up my wardrobe, "Look, I have the entire collection."

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

Why did I break up with my vegan girlfriend?

She refused to swallow animal by-products.

What do you call a happy husband?

Broke.

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

How do mathematicians scold their children?

If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...

Who leaves money under the pillows of children with LGBT parents?

Surely you will have guessed - the brooth fairy.