Profession Jokes

Which profession has the worst sense of humour?

Well, chiropodists like jokes. But opticians like them.

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How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?

Because they both "practice" their professions.

What was the first profession to go all digital?

Proctology.

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

What do you call it when someone relies on sleep studies for a profession?

A rem job

What profession does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Driver

What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock?

Politics

What profession was once highly respected, but is now a complete joke?

Nigerian Prince Thanks r/askreddit for the idea

Why would you name your human child Hunter?

Hunter is a profession. That's like naming your kid Dentist.

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Rely Jokes More Rely Jokes

Why doesn't Nigel Farage like election forecasts?

He dislikes poles polls How do you type jokes that rely on similar sounding words It hard

What do you call it when someone relies on sleep studies for a profession?

A rem job

Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

What's te definition of a bachelor pad?

A. All the house plants are dead but there's something growing in the refrigerator.

What exactly do you have to plant to grow a seedless watermelon?

Just water

Nigerian Jokes More Nigerian Jokes

Why do Nigerian babies cry?

Midlife crisis

What did one Nigerian Prince say to the other?

Wanna go phishing

Donkey Jokes More Donkey Jokes

What key opens a banana?

A monkey. What key opens a carrot? A donkey.

What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?

Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the Shrek accent to work.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

Because they would crack each other up.

What joke never gets old?

Besides that's what she said and yo mama.

Barber Jokes More Barber Jokes

Who's there! Barber! Barber who?

Barberd wire!

How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food?

By giving her a Brazilian wax first!

India Jokes More India Jokes

How do you fix a car in India?

Get Atul to do it.

What do they call cunnilingis in India?

A punjob.

President Jokes More President Jokes

What President of the United States smells the worst?

The-Odor-e Roosevelt.

Who should we vote for the next president?

Gabe Newell. There will never be a World War 3.