Quote Jokes

Why was the feminist happy when the newspaper got it wrong?

Because she enjoyed being Ms-quoted

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Why did the chicken lay an egg?

Quoted from daughter at age 3) To get food for her babies!

Why did Mr. T reject Socialism?

Because he stumbled across a quote by Karl Marx which said: "All you have to lose is your chains."

What do you call a quote with inhuman like abilities?

A Super Saying

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Stumble Jokes More Stumble Jokes

How much does 1 drop of gas cost me?

The boy stumbles: "Well euhm... nothing I guess." "Thanks, I'll have 2 million drops then"

What do you do when you see your wife stumbling around in the backyard?

Shoot her again.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

How does the stork bring babies?

It pokes holes in condoms.

How did the Italian chef break up with his girlfriend?

Pasta la vista, baby.

Daughter Jokes More Daughter Jokes

How did the farmer find his daughter?

He Tractor.

Whatcha doing on the PC?

Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT! D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.

Hannibal Lecter Jokes More Hannibal Lecter Jokes

What did Hannibal Lecter say to the philosophy professor after the lecture?

I can smell your Kant.

Why did Hannibal Lecter try DiGiorno's Pizza?

He heard it had de y flavor.

Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

How are men like carpet tiles?

If you lay them properly the first time around you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

What's the difference between an egg and Elliot Rodger?

An egg gets laid before it cracks.

Chain Jokes More Chain Jokes

What's the difference between a black guy and snow tires?

Snow tires don't sing when you put their chains on.

What's the difference between snow tires and slaves?

Slaves sing when chains are put on them. PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness

Blow Jokes More Blow Jokes

How do you blow up a Muslim's phone?

Put it into airplane mode

Why did the angry skeptic keep ignoring official reports about the eventual release of Half-Life 3?

He was blowing off Steam

Newspaper Jokes More Newspaper Jokes

Why did the newspaper cross the street?

To get to the other side of the story.

What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.