An Armadealer
Thepiratebay
Gopher a walk.
Eyes down for a full mouse'!
One has a job.
Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List!" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"
Some one who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Interia
You: MEEEEE BYEEEEEEEE
Your ex!
Because he was screwing around.
Two. 1 to screw it in, and 1 to complain that it's not dark enough.
Walking....J.K. Rowling
A man walks into a bedroom and sees a hot, naked woman lying face-down on the bed. Q: What's his name? A: Willie Turner Q: What's name? A: Betty Will
Because it's two gross! (A gross is a measurement unit for "144". So 2 * 144 = 288. Or "two gross".)
Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it!
Twitter has a character limit
Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."
Because he is an ex-Terminator.
Arnold friend of yours is a friend of mine!