Square Root Jokes

Why did the mathematician get an F on his English quiz?

He wrote, "i is the square root of negative 1."

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What's the final digit of the square root of 2 (2)?

I don't know, sometimes radicals can be irrational.

How do you say no in German?

Square root of 81

Why do plants hate math?

Because it gives them square roots

Whats the square (root) of a (onion)???

Shallots

What's a mathematicians favourite plant?

Any that has a square root!

Why is the set including the square root of 5 and the square root of 4 similar to the set including anarchism and authoritarianism?

They are both unlike radicals.

How can you tell you are in a math teacher's garden?

All the trees have square roots.

What's the square root of Optimus Prime?

I'm not sure, but it's more than meets the eye.

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What do you call a man with a large flatfish on his head?

Ray!

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?

Sister Matic!

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Why don't mathematicians ever get blackout drunk?

They know their limits.

What do mathematicians do when they are constipated?

They get a pencil and work it out.

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What's the deal with airline food?

Buy 2 get 1 free

What does that clock say at 1 o'clock night?

1 AM feeling very sleepy.

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What do you call it when a statistician secretly gives out clothes?

Discreet uniform distribution

What clothes do Quakers wear?

Oat couture

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What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

You cry when you cut up an onion.

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What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?

He ate it quickly before the others could ask him to share.

Why did they go from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

Cause Seven ate Windows 9

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What did the imprisoned locksmith say after he told the inmates a bunch of bad jokes?

I'll show myself out.

How do you tell if someone is a safety engineer?

They are wearing suspenders and a belt.

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Why does she keep cleaning the floors?

Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba.

What time is it in New York City?

5 past Lundqvist