Clothe Jokes

What did the man say when he ran out of clothes?

Oh dear, it seems I'm shirt on clothes.

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What do you call a bikini clad conspiracy theorist?

An illumi-hotty!

Where do Wildlings get their clothes?

North of the Wal-Mart

How many TSA agents does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. TSA agents only know how to remove clothes putting them on is different matter completely.

What clothes do Quakers wear?

Oat couture

Where do Year 1 Guardians buy their clothes?

Twilight Gap

What dries your clothes but can also make you writhe around in agony?

A tumblr.

Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

Cause all their pants are half-off

What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?

Aw shucks!

Where do hipsters buy their clothes?

Most likely a thrift store or Urban Outfitters, TBH.

What clothes do lawyers wear to work?

Lawsuits.

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What do you call a wheel with clothes?

Attire. My brother told this to me and it gave me a chuckle.

Why do monks wear the same clothes every day?

Because old habits die hard.

What do you call clothes for a car?

A tire.

Why do American tourists talk so loudly?

So that they can hear each other over their clothes

What happens when Fonzie doesn't fold his clothes after doing laundry?

His shirts get all winkly.

How does Tony Stark keep his clothes wrinkle-free?

Iron, man.

What size clothes do fortune tellers wear?

Medium.

What do you call it when a statistician secretly gives out clothes?

Discreet uniform distribution

Why do people wash their clothes in Tide?

Because it's too cold out tide.

Where do Muslim hipsters shop for clothes?

Turban Outfitters!

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What do clouds wear under their clothes?

Thunderware.

Why did the Eskimo wash his clothes in tide?

Because it was too cold out tide.

Why are clothes so expensive?

I shouldn't have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Where do the sith get their clothes?

Darth Mall

Why isn't there a Superpig?

It's too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.

Where do Floridians wash their clothes?

In Fort Launderdale.

Why does it take so long for a nun to get her clothes?

It takes 21 days to make a habit.

What happened to Lady Godiva's horse when he saw she had no clothes on?

It made him shy!

What does a sailor use to clean his clothes?

Tide

Why do I wash my clothes in TIDE?

Because it's too cold out-tide.

What are these clothes on the floor?

A dead Jedi" I replied

Why shouldn't you take your clothes off while riding the elevator?

It could get you an in descent exposure charge.

What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?

A petticoat!

What kinds of clothes do protons wear?

Plus sizes!

What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?

Lawsuits.

What happens when sharks take their clothes off?

They go sharkers!

What do you call a rabbit with no clothes on?

A bare hare.

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?

Streaky bacon!

Why is it a bad idea to change clothes at a Pokemon's house?

Because he might Pikachu!

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would The Hulk do?"

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Where do you buy clothes for baby owls?

The outlet

Where do fortune tellers buy their clothes?

Sears.

What do pessimists use... Q: What do pessimists use to wash their clothes?

Deterrent.

What do rappers use to wash their clothes?

BLEEE-AAAACH!

What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his clothes?

Bleotch!!

Why didn't the car have a tire?

Because cars don't wear clothes.

Where do Sikhs buy clothes?

Turban Outfitters

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What do maids in Manhattan use to clean their kitchens?

J-lo Cloths

What did one bolt of cloth say to the other bolt of cloth after hurting its feelings?

I'm sari.

Shop Jokes More Shop Jokes

Where can you leave your dog when you shop?

The barking lot.

What did Descartes say while shopping online?

I think therefore I Amazon

Depress Jokes More Depress Jokes

Why was the comic book series depressed?

Because it had too many issues.

How does a pair of pants feel when it is ironed?

Depressed.

21 Jokes More 21 Jokes

How do you confuse an AP student?

Make the first 21 questions all be the answer C.

Why 21 didn't invite his brother for dinner?

Tumblr Jokes More Tumblr Jokes

What kind of jeans does Mario wear?

Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

What's the name of the car of a hipster Batman?

Tumblr.

Nap Kin Jokes More Nap Kin Jokes

What do you call a tired tumblrina?

A nap-kin.

Flight Jokes More Flight Jokes

Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

What is black and white and screams?

A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs.

Cancer Jokes More Cancer Jokes

What did the boy with no arms &amp legs get at the World Cup?

Cancer. ()

What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer...