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How can you tell when Halloween is coming too soon?

The sight of premature Ejack-o-lanterns in the neighborhood. I'm a Dad so this joke is OK

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Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Why did the momma pepper tuck in her baby?

Because he was a little chili (Actually came up with this while making chili)

If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?

European

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

Where do dads keep their jokes?

In their dadabase.

How to scare parents?

Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did the cow say to the paintbrush?

Moo. As told by my kid this morning.

What did Zelda tell Link when he couldn't unlock the door?

Triforce

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What is the best anti-joke you know?

Well a joke that isn't funny, but still is because it isn't. If you know what I mean. These are kind of much easier to remember.

Why are jokes about rotten eggs banned?

Because they're infeggtious

Halloween Jokes More Halloween Jokes

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for Halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Where is the best place to vacation for Halloween?

Galapaghost Islands.

O Jokes More O Jokes

Why is the O in Opossum silent?

Because it's playing dead.

What's that over there, is it a gho-o-o-ost?

Ooooooooo S: OK! OK!

Neighborhood Jokes More Neighborhood Jokes

What do I look for in a car?

A sound-proof cabin so I can sing every rap lyric regardless of the neighborhood I'm driving through.

Why was the topologist confident about performing a vasectomy?

Because open balls are in his neighborhood

Sight Jokes More Sight Jokes

What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

Bigfoot has been sighted.

Why did the girl walk past her crush twice?

He didn't believe in love at first sight.