How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What's long and black?

Every day How did Hellen Keller lose her virginity Someone left a plunger in the toilet

Who lose in the presidential debate?

American.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What's the new baby hippo's name?

Hippopotamus keeper: I don't know he won't tell me.

How many palindromes do I know of?

Not a ton

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

What do you get when you drop a baby into a wood chipper?

Well an erection of course.

Whats the difference between a Porsche and an erection?

I dont have a Porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do Jay Leno and Payton Manning have in common?

They both know when it's time to turn things over.

What pick-up line works 100% of the time?

Does this smell like chloroform to you

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time?

Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme.

Why do they put fences around graveyards?

Because people are dying to get in.

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

What My Friend Said Once They Discovered The Existence of Gravitational Waves?

Friend: Good, now they will make microwaves that cook my chicken fingers faster. Say what now

What happens when you microwave a DVD?

You get a VHS tape.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?

Me: I helped 5: How Me: 5: Me: I read her the instructions

What can we do to make it even scarier?

Put a toy for babies on its tail. YES

Track Jokes More Track Jokes

What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh?

An Appaloosa!

How many trains have I derailed in all my years as a train driver?

It's hard to keep track.