How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

How did Jared lose 30 pounds?

He dumped his girlfriend.

How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a microwave?

I don't know....I was too busy masterbating.

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

What do you call an erection during a funeral?

Mourning wood!

What do you call a narcissistic plant with an erection?

A self-raising flower. I'm so sorry.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time would it be if five elephants were chasing you?

Five after one.

When is the only time a white NFL wide receiver is a good thing?

When your sister tells you she's dating an NFL wide receiver.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What do you do when a scientist dies?

You barium! ba-dum-tss

Where do puppies go when they die?

Back into the microwave so I can get in another round.

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

What do you get if you microwave welsh horse crap?

PooptyPong.

How long does it take To microwave a baby?

I'm too busy jerking of to watch a timer.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What sits in the corner of the room, crying and getting smaller and smaller?

A baby combing it's hair with a vegetable peeler.

Who's there! Baby! Baby who?

Baby love my baby love....!

Track Jokes More Track Jokes

How do beer companies track their sales?

On dos axes

What is it with Russians and their track suits?

Because back in Soviet day, suit track you.