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How the fight started Wife: Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me: How about a newspaper. Wife: OK, which one Me: Today's.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the lady and her attorney seek a scarlet frock as part of a settlement?

Because she wanted a red dress for her grievances.

Why does the dog go to the gym?

He wants to get ruff

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why couldn't the Engineer Manager screw his wife?

Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise.

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How the rap feud started Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party?

2pac: sure, no biggie Biggieeavesdropping: wipes tears

What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea?

A start.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What does the blind say when he walks past the fish market?

Hello ladies.

Why are you picking up rocks?

M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?

Recalculating route.

Who is this Rorschach guy?

And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What can I get you today?

Harambe: May I get a martini Me: Just ice for Harambe. Harambe: Just ice Me: Justice for Harambe.

What did David Crockett say when he looked over the Alamo wall and saw 3000 Mexicans?

Hey I didn't know we were pouring concrete today.

Newspaper Jokes More Newspaper Jokes

What's black and white and read all over?

The newspaper.

Which newspaper is most popular around cows?

The Moo York Times