How the fight started Wife: Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me: How about a newspaper. Wife: OK, which one Me: Today's.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do you call the deaf man with no limbs?

Whatever you want.

Why do the versions of Windows jump from 8 to 10?

Because no one wanted Windows Nein!

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the executioner say to his wife when he left?

I'll beheading out now.

Why do most car accidents happen when men are drunk?

Because their wives are driving.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How do you start a baby shower?

Throw it into a wood chipper.

How many people does it take to start a riot?

3/5

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What do you call a dog that can walk on its hind legs all the time?

A human.

What did the oyster say to the fish who stole it's shell?

Stop being shellfish!" *drops microphone, walks away*

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

Who would win in a fight, Michael J. Fox or Taylor Swift?

Michael J. Fox he would just shake it off.

Who is this Rorschach guy?

And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What do we say to the god of procrastination?

Not today.

Why is today John Philip Sousa Day?

Because he told everyone to march fourth.

Newspaper Jokes More Newspaper Jokes

How the fight started Wife: Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me: How about a newspaper. Wife: OK, which one Me: Today's.

What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?

Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?