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Fight Jokes

Who is this Rorschach guy?

And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

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What is it called when a gamer fights someone?

An Asthma attack.

What do you call a Mexican wrestler that only fights during his 12:00 break?

A lunchador.

Why was the physics teacher and the biology teacher always fighting?

They didn't have any chemistry.

Why do midgets always fight?

Short tempers.

What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?

Game of Cones If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones If everyone was single: Game of Alones If it was about balls: Game of Throwns If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones If everyone used UAVs to fight: Game of Drones If everyone was a banker: Game of Loans If it was about breakfast foods: Game of Scones

What do you call a fight between a human and a gorilla?

A harumble.

What do you call war fought with bees?

Beeological Warfare

What superheroes refuse to fight in North Carolina?

The X-Men

Why did the Mexican civil war last so long?

Because they were fighting Juan on Juan.

Who did E.coli call after it lost a fight in school?

Broccoli

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What is it called when two lawyers are fighting?

Civil War

Why were the pirates on the ship fighting?

They needed better anchor management.

What do you call it when a Spanish man goes to court for custody of his children?

Fight for your right to padre

Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

What do you call a Sith Lord who refuses to fight?

A sithy.

Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting?

Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.

What did Ronda Rousey's face look like after her fight with Holly Holm?

It was all broused up!

Why are MMA fighters told not to blow their nose when in a fight?

Oops, this was supposed to be for. There's no punch line!

What's your emergency?

Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

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Why can't you fight an accountant?

They'll always out number you!

What does it sound like when two churches fight?

Pew Pew PEWPEWPEW!!!

Why did the cheeseburger fight the veggie burger?

It had beef.

Which boxer did Darth Vader put his money on in the fight?

The Thai fighter

What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer?

Kobe beef

Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

Where do onions fight?

In the onion ring!

What's the worst thing about 90's kids?

They fight back.

What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

Web Development.

Why didn't the President fight with the chair?

Because we don't negotiate with chair-orrists.

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Why are boxers never late to their fights?

Because they have developed very good punch quality.

What does Delia Smith say when she wants to fight a road?

Let's be avenue.'

What do people who refuse to fight use as weapons?

Their pacifists

Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?

In the womb, he used to fight bald clowns. (Self made joke)

Who would win in a fight...your mom or your dad?

From the looks of it, your dad won

Why are dragons so tired?

Because they fight knights!

What's that?

A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. *puts in dollar* "WTH!!"

Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?

To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

Why do audiophiles nerver loose a fight?

Because they're lossless.

Why do beta fish fight each other?

Because they're trying to figure out who's the betta fish

What places have the least racial tensions?

Bakeries, there are brownies and crackers there and yet they never fight.

Why do trash pandas always get into a fight?

They trash talk.

Why do you always fight with your sisters?

6-year-old: Because I always win.

Why did the top bun and bottom bun of the Big Mac get in a fight?

There was bad beef between them

What do you call a fight between film actors?

Star Wars!

Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

Because he was fighting the Klingons.

What's cold and always runs from a fight?

Coward ice.

Who fought in the Civil War?

Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ....

What do you mean I've had enough to drink?

Hold my beer while I fight this lamppost.

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave. I'm sorry.

Who would win in a fight?

A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.

What's your strongest trait?

My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me " GIVE ME fighting to maintain pinch THE JOB

What would Captain America be called if he fought in Vietnam?

You weren't there man

Who wins in a fight: Goku or Superman?

Wrong, Batman always wins.   Yes, I do have the sense of humor of a 5 year old.

Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist?

Because they fought both tooth and nail!

Why did the cloud get $10M for having a fight?

He was the raining champion.

Why doesn't Reno Jackson like torrenting?

Because he's always fighting pirates

What do you call an alligator that always starts fights?

An instigator!

What Do You Call A Fight Between An Illegal Immigrant And A Child Molester?

Alien vs. Predator

What do you call a fight in Mexico?

A Juan on Juan.

Why didn't the Avatar want to fight the Fire Nation?

Because they gave him Aang-xiety

Who'll he fight?

The same bad guys! Billion dollar film franchise.

What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight?

Put up your Dukes! I'll just let myself out...

Whats the best thing on the menu?

Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*

What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?

An Insti-Gator

Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo?

They only had two cars.

What do you call the reptile that started the fight?

The insti-gator.

What kind of tie is best to wear in a fight?

Muay Thai

What's on TV?

I said, 'Dust.' And that's how the fight started....

How was school?

4: Trenton said his dad likes to go outside and fight lions - laughs - oh honey - nobody would name their kid Trenton

What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat?

Claude

What do you call a fight between two dairy products?

A fromage fray.

Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

What do you do when two snails have a fight?

Leave them to slug it out.

What is the first rule of Womans fight club?

Never tell anyone what are you so mad about

Who would win in a fight between Muhammad Ali and Stephen Hawking?

Parkinson's

Why shouldn't a dentist and manicurist be in a relationship?

All they will do is fight tooth and nail!

Why hang Wanted posters in the post office?

We're not crime-fighting crusaders. We're buying stamps.

Why do tomcats fight?

Because they like raising a stink!

What do you call a man without arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?

Claude!

What is it called when two celebrities are fighting?

Star Wars.

What's the deal with the Z Fighters?

They aren't fighting to stay awake!

How do you know if a pepper is starting a fight with you?

It gets jalapeno face.

What did the Australian say to the two people fighting over bread?

It's stalemate

What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games?

An ex-boxer.

When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you control your anger?

WIFE: I clean the toilet.... HUSBAND:How does that help WIFE: I use your toothbrush.

Who would win in a fight, Michael J. Fox or Taylor Swift?

Michael J. Fox he would just shake it off.

What do you call an aardvark that's just won a fight?

A well 'aardvark!

What did Mike Tyson say when asked about the time he fought the God of Asgard?

The loser was 'thore'

What do Polish Hussars and toothpaste have in common?

They both fight against Tartars.

Who do zombie cowboys fight?

Deadskins.

Who'd win if Batman fought Santa?

Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.

What's worse than fighting an uphill battle?

Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there.

What do you call two pencils fighting?

A grafight.

Which of my girlfriends do you think is the prettiest?

What I actually heard was "Do you want a fight "

What do you call a person who fights fire?

Firefighter.

How did your blind date go?

Bit of a disaster really, our guide Dogs started Fighting

Why, Bro?

B1: Men with no pants... Fighting for a belt... WTF

What do you call an aardvark that's just lost a fight?

A vark!

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Why was the midget fired from his job?

He came up short on his register.

Why don't midgets smoke weed?

Because they can't get high.

Fight Club Jokes More Fight Club Jokes

What's the difference between fight club and veganism?

You don't talk about fight club.

What's the best part about a Fight Club joke?

The punchline.

Favorite Joke Jokes More Favorite Joke Jokes

What's your favorite joke appropriate for a 6-8 year old?

I am a ski instructor and I've recently been teaching these two boys who are 6 and 8 year old brothers. I realized today that I know zero jokes appropriate enough or funny to this demographic. I feel like they think I am super boring. Give me some help to make the chairlift more exciting!!

What's your favorite joke?

Mine's Womens Rights.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a washing machine and a virgin?

A washing machine doesn't follow the guy around for 2 weeks after he drops a load in it.

What is the difference between Scotland and a pregnant woman?

A pregnant woman is in Labour

Food Fight Jokes More Food Fight Jokes

What do you call someone who doesn't like food fights?

A pasta-fist.

Marry Couple Jokes More Marry Couple Jokes

Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?

To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces?

Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them.

Parent Jokes More Parent Jokes

How can you tell the difference between normal and self-raising flour?

One has parents

What do young ghosts call their parents?

Deady and Mummy.

Game Jokes More Game Jokes

What game does a black dad and son play forever?

Hide n' seek

What is it called when you get sick from gaming on the internet?

YouTuberculosis.