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What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day?

He always came on time.

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Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Why did the cookie get fired from his job?

He came to work baked.

What is your favorite one to two line joke?

Keep em coming boys and gals. This is making my 15 car ride way better!

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school?

Everyone kept saying it was back to school time.

What do you call the day before Christmas Eve?

Christmas Adam

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch?

The screen stays black when you check the time.

What time is it in India?

7-Eleven on the dot.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call two guys using the same urinal?

Peers

What did the shooting range instructor say to the guy in a wheelchair?

Parachute

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and your TV is floating?

Man, wall mounts are awesome.

What time does a mechanic wake up?

Oily!

Jerk Jokes More Jerk Jokes

Why was the powerlifter fired from his job at the restaurant?

He was awesome at cleaning the bar, but he wouldn't stop jerking it.

What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day?

He always came on time.

Alarm Clock Jokes More Alarm Clock Jokes

What do you call a cat when he first wakes up with the alarm clock?

Catsup!

Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?

After the ring, you wake up!