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What spends a good 3 hours a day in my hand?

Hint* it starts with P and ends with S. Pens! :D... wait what were YOU THINKING!!!

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

When is the only time a woman says something smart?

When her sentence starts with "A wise man once said"

How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you think about the Russian military intervention in Krimea?

I think they're just Stalin. If they are, soviet, as long as they're Putin their weapons away.

Why was most of Jesus' walk downtown very awkward?

Because his friend asked him when he thought they should cross.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

Why did the T-Rex fail his business project?

He couldn't make hands meet.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends?

A witch with a blindfold!

What's brown and furry on the outside, soft moist and tastes good on the inside, begins with "C" and ends with "T", and has a "U" and an "N" in it?

A coconut.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

Why didn't the man report his credit card stolen?

Because the thief was spending less than his wife.

Why are burglars such good tennis players?

Because they spend such a lot of their time in courts!

P Jokes More P Jokes

Why was 'EE' acting so funny?

He needed to 'P'

Why did no one believe the Psychologist ever went to the bathroom?

Because the 'P' is silent

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How can you tell if a 14 year old smokes weed?

Just wait. They'll tell you.

Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side?

Ah wait, i can't remember the rest

Hint Jokes More Hint Jokes

What would you tell someone who is attempting to steal your cheese (hint: not "nacho cheese")?

Leave my provolone!

What do you call a deer that has really good eyesight?

Good idea. Hint: Good eye-deeeeah