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What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why don't you buy your wife a watch?

There's already a clock on the stove

How the fight started Wife: Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me: How about a newspaper. Wife: OK, which one Me: Today's.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Where do I start cleaning!?

5mins later* Me: I need a new room.

How do you make a small fortune out of horses?

Start off with a large fortune!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What's the deal with reddit being obsessed about puns?

I've never... META... group of people so obsessed with puns before.. Fine, I'll leave :(:(

Why did Bill Gates get sick?

Because he left the Windows open.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What would u do if u won the lotto?

10yo: Buy legos & a bigger house for u. 11yo: I'd buy a monkey. Going to be extra nice to my 10yo.

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

Pack Jokes More Pack Jokes

What's an Irish Seven Course Dinner?

A boiled potato and a six-pack of Guinness Stout.

What was the problem?

ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What do you call a wife that knows where her husband is at all time?

A widow

How many husbands have I had?

You mean apart from my own

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What is the capital of the United States?

Half of what it was last week

Whats an Italians favourite part of football?

Half time, they get to switch sides again

Lottery Jokes More Lottery Jokes

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

What has six balls and screws everybody?

The lottery.