Lottery Jokes

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

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What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery?

Because he was inuit to win it

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

What has six balls and screws everybody?

The lottery.

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.

What did Helen Keller say when she won the lottery?

Uunnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg!

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella, had the same sized feet as her?

She should play the lottery too!

What lottery did the broom win?

The sweepstakes.

Why did the former fitter turned baker enter the lottery?

To win dough.

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What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

Who's there! Charles! Charles who?

Charles your luck on the lottery!

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

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Hick Jokes More Hick Jokes

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

What do you call a country bumpkin from Michigan's Upper Peninsula?

A hick-UP

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

Why did the man open a rooftop bar?

He wanted to have drinks on the house.

What time does Sean Connery get to the US Open?

Ten-ish

Build Jokes More Build Jokes

What does a musician use to build a house?

A tuba-four

Why doesn't North Korea's population exponentially grow?

Because they must build additional pylons.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why did the hacker start selling his services?

So he could make his 4Chan.

How does every black joke start?

By looking over your shoulder!

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple?

The holocaust.

What do you call something that is half horse and half pig?

A mounted police officer

R Jokes More R Jokes

Where r my legal briefs?

Paralegal *hands him his boxers* Judge: lol Jury: We're hung Judge: ha! DA: Balls in your court Judge: DO MORE!

What is the coldest dish at a Mexican restaurant?

A b-r-r-r-r-ito

Helen Keller Jokes More Helen Keller Jokes

Why is Helen Keller's leg yellow?

Her dog is also blind

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?

Cause she was a woman

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

Why don't you ever callout my name when we're making love?

Husband: "Because I don't want to wake you."

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.