Lottery Jokes

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery?

Because he was inuit to win it

What has six balls and screws everybody?

The lottery.

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella, had the same sized feet as her?

She should play the lottery too!

What lottery did the broom win?

The sweepstakes.

What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

Who's there! Charles! Charles who?

Charles your luck on the lottery!

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why didn't Bach buy his wife a new accordion?

He couldn't afford it; he was "Baroque".

What does the snowman call his wife?

Snowblower

X Jokes More X Jokes

Whats the name of a bodybuilder whose a fan of the X-Men?

Huge Jackman

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

Build Jokes More Build Jokes

Why don't mathematicians build bridges?

Because they'll never be perfect.

What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

Any kind, buildings can't jump.

R Jokes More R Jokes

Who r they 2 stop u?

Boy: My wife &amp 2 kids.

What shape is your table?

Um, round But that's not really... R: Got it

Holocaust Jokes More Holocaust Jokes

Jackpot Jokes More Jackpot Jokes

What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's?

Jackpot!

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on?

Asking for a friend

What do you call a piece of pasta that doesn't have any friends?

Cannelonely!

Toxic Waste Dump Jokes More Toxic Waste Dump Jokes

Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got to choose first

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.