Lottery Jokes

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery?

Because he was inuit to win it

What has six balls and screws everybody?

The lottery.

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella, had the same sized feet as her?

She should play the lottery too!

What lottery did the broom win?

The sweepstakes.

What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

Who's there! Charles! Charles who?

Charles your luck on the lottery!

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

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What's the advantage of being black in Africa vs black in America?

Nobody can point at your shoes and say "What are thoooooooooose?!"

Why do androids go to Africa to party?

Because Botswana have fun.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How do crows know what time is it?

They have the knights watch.

How many times did I tell you to make your bed?

Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

Pound Jokes More Pound Jokes

How does a dog catcher gets paid?

By the pound.

Why are there so many dogs at the pound?

Because no one wants them.

Brothel Jokes More Brothel Jokes

What song did the man who lived next door to a brothel sing on his way to work?

Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to work I go!

Why do brothels support Hillary?

Cause #FeelTheBern would be bad for business.

X Jokes More X Jokes

What super hero league is Caitlyn Jenner part of?

The X-Men

Why did x and y break up?

They couldn't function together.

Jackpot Jokes More Jackpot Jokes

What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's?

Jackpot!

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

How do mob boss mules open doors?

With Don-keys.

Why should you always knock on your fridge door before opening it?

Because there could be an Italian dressing inside.

Tony Romo Jokes More Tony Romo Jokes

How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish?

Mark Sanchez.

What is Tony Romo's favorite lottery game?

Pick Six