Lottery Jokes

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

I Love Pizza & You

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery?

Because he was inuit to win it

What has six balls and screws everybody?

The lottery.

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella, had the same sized feet as her?

She should play the lottery too!

What lottery did the broom win?

The sweepstakes.

What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

Who's there! Charles! Charles who?

Charles your luck on the lottery!

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

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What do you call a guy that never farts in public?

A privet tutor

What do you call someone who never farts in public?

A PRIVATE TUTOR

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Why does AMD call having 2 or more cards Crossfire?

Because no matter what card you cross, and how many, you're bound to start a fire.

What did the three-legged horse do when it started to rain?

It ran to the unstable.

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Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?

Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"

What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?

Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!

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What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's?

Jackpot!

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Why did you leave me here all alone?

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

What would have happened if Alexander Fleming met Euler?

They would have discovered Penicil(e)

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What is Tony Romo's favorite lottery game?

Pick Six

How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish?

Mark Sanchez.

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Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"

How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E?

U and I.

Africa Jokes More Africa Jokes

What are all sports in Africa called?

The hunger games

Where did you get it?

Africa" Says the parrot.