Lottery Jokes

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

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Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery?

Because he was inuit to win it

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella, had the same sized feet as her?

She should play the lottery too!

What lottery did the broom win?

The sweepstakes.

What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

Who's there! Charles! Charles who?

Charles your luck on the lottery!

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

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What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill?

Pack your trunk and clear out!

What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on Halloween?

Happy halloweenie

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why do some writers have a hard time graphing equations?

Because they spend too much time with the x-position

What do you call an academic who apologises all the time?

An anthropologist

Quick Way Jokes More Quick Way Jokes

What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?

The rib cage.

What's the quickest way to lose pounds?

The UK National Lottery!

O Jokes More O Jokes

What's that over there, is it a gho-o-o-ost?

Ooooooooo S: OK! OK!

What did "O" said to "Q"?

Dude, your is hanging out

X Jokes More X Jokes

What super hero league is Caitlyn Jenner part of?

The X-Men

Whats the name of a bodybuilder whose a fan of the X-Men?

Huge Jackman

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why do felines always win board games?

Because they are cheetahs.

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

Why did the toilet make a joke about the balls?

It was low hanging fruit.

Why did the dog keep dropping his ball?

He had barkinsons disease.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

When do spare parts from Japanese cars start falling out of the sky?

When it's raining Datsun cogs.