Exorcise Jokes

How do you exorcise a demon?

Make him run a lap then do 10 push-ups and sit-ups

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How do Catholic church priests stay healthy?

They exorcise.

What happens if you don't pay the priest who exorcises your house?

He'll re-possess it

What do you call the ghost of a dessert-chef who returns no matter how many times they're exorcised?

A boo-meringue

What do you do to get rid of an obese demon?

You exorcise him.

How did the possessed lady lose weight?

Diet and exorcise.

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Possess Jokes More Possess Jokes

What do you call a possessed chicken?

Poultrygeist.

Who did the breeder call when his horse was possessed by an evil spirit?

An exhorsist!

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What do you call an apology written using dots and dashes?

Re-morse code

Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!

Ghost Jokes More Ghost Jokes

What kind of street to ghosts, goblins and ghouls live on?

A Dead End.

Why don't ghosts have kids?

Because they have Hollow-Weinies

Lap Jokes More Lap Jokes

What did the sea-world trainer's friend say to him after he spilled water on his friends lap?

You did that on porpoise

Why do athletes prefer nuns to time their laps?

Because when a nun times anything it's zero. (0*n=0)

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

How do you lose 30 pounds in 1 Minute?

Go to England and buy something

What do you call a tree that lost its family in a forrest fire?

Mourning wood

Obese Jokes More Obese Jokes

What does an obese white woman have in common with a brick?

Eventually, they're both getting laid by a Mexican.

How much did the obese man know about fitness?

Diddly squat

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What's your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom?

Me: Showering is optional Her: HAHAHA, be serious. Me: Ok, no drug tests.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag?

A tea bag stays in the cup longer!

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married?

Ant-elopers.

What do you call a giant squid who runs a tow service in Indonesia?

A Kraken-towa!