Rid Jokes

How does a mathematician get rid of constipation?

He works it out with a pencil.

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Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach

How did the grandpa get rid of his sweet tooth?

He took out his dentures!

How do you get rid of an itch?

Start from scratch.

What happened when Canada got rid of the penny?

Canadians became *penniless*

Why did Katie Holmes get rid of her fancy car?

She got tired of all that Cruise control.

Why did ginny make harry get rid of his invisibility cloak?

He kept coming out of no where

How can one get rid of the echo while playing a movie?

Get some furniture

What's the best kind of cream......to get rid of spots and bug bites?

Creamation.

What do you get if you cross a skunk with a boomerang?

A nasty smell that you can't get rid of.

What shape gets rid of curses?

A hexagon

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Hair Jokes More Hair Jokes

What do witches put on their hair?

Scare spray!

What should you buy if your hair falls out?

A good vacuum cleaner!

Pencil Jokes More Pencil Jokes

Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

To draw the curtains!

What's the smelliest type of pencil?

A #2 pencil

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What is dark and hairy on the outside, soft and moist on the inside, starts with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in it?

A coconut

How did the dollar bill feel when his change started disappearing?

Coincerned

Mozart Jokes More Mozart Jokes

What do you think Mozart is doing right now?

Decomposing.

What does Mozart put on his front lawn?

Metrognomes

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

Kevin still doesn't know.

What country do all cats wish to get their food from?

Viet NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference a teckel and the United Nations?

There's none. They both have big hearts but a short reach.

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4-year old child?

Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out a 53rd-story window!

Exercise Jokes More Exercise Jokes

What does a dog like to wear when it's exercising?

Pants.

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

Gum Jokes More Gum Jokes

What's a difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"

What type of gum does a Buddhist prefer?

Enlightenmint!