Exercise Jokes

What does the captain of the USS Enterprise do for exercise?

Jean-Luc Picardio

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What do you call a gunman who exercises?

An active shooter!

What do the people of Skyrim use to exercise?

A Nordic Track.

What kind of exercise did Jesus do?

Crossfit

How do college students exercise?

By swimming in their debt.

What does seven days without exercise make?

One weak!

How do I get to 280?

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

What does a dog like to wear when it's exercising?

Pants.

What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet?

A pedometer

What is this world coming to?

Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise

Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?

Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.

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Why did the sailboat start exercising?

It wanted to get into ship-shape. HA!

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?

Diddly squat

How often do you exercise?

About 3 to 4 times a week. "Be honest." 2003.

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Squat Jokes More Squat Jokes

What is Lil' John's favorite exercise?

Squats, squats, squats squats, squats squats, squats, squats, squats squats. Everybody!

Whats the difference between skinny and squat?

I never took a skinny on a girl's chest.

Obese Jokes More Obese Jokes

What did the obese man say about the belt he'd recently purchased?

Top notch.

Why are so many people obese these days?

Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

How many women have you slept with My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

What width?

She replied: "with scissors of course."

Jesus Christ Jokes More Jesus Christ Jokes

Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Alabama?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

What would've happened if Jesus Christ didn't make Christmas?

It would've just been "mas".

John Jokes More John Jokes

Whats with the wheel on your john?

The pirate replied, "Arrg it's driving me nuts!"

Which two regions have the most people named John?

SEA / NA

Everybody Jokes More Everybody Jokes

Why does everybody like the mushroom?

Because he's a fun guy.

Why does everybody like South Korea more than North Korea?

Because North Korea has no Seoul.

Weightlifter Jokes More Weightlifter Jokes

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

Where do weightlifters get their sandwiches?

Subwhey.

People Jokes More People Jokes

How many redditors are needed to screw a lightbulb?

As much people as is needed to screw that lightbulb.

How does a Confederate flag and a rainbow flag differ?

The latter represents people that win.