Exercise Jokes

What does the captain of the USS Enterprise do for exercise?

Jean-Luc Picardio

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What do you call a gunman who exercises?

An active shooter!

What do the people of Skyrim use to exercise?

A Nordic Track.

What kind of exercise did Jesus do?

Crossfit

How do college students exercise?

By swimming in their debt.

How do you get rid of an obese demon?

You exercise it.

What does seven days without exercise make?

One weak!

How do I get to 280?

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

What does a dog like to wear when it's exercising?

Pants.

What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet?

A pedometer

What is this world coming to?

Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise

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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?

Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.

Why did the sailboat start exercising?

It wanted to get into ship-shape. HA!

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?

Diddly squat

How often do you exercise?

About 3 to 4 times a week. "Be honest." 2003.

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Crossfit Jokes More Crossfit Jokes

How do you know if somebody does crossfit?

They are probably in better shape than you.

What kind of exercise did Jesus do?

Crossfit

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and Sasha Grey?

The look on their face while being nailed.

What do Jesus and your mom have in common?

They both got nailed all night.

Soda Jokes More Soda Jokes

Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long?

I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

Captain Jokes More Captain Jokes

What's in the toilet of the Star Ship enterprise?

The captains log

Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise?

Because the captain stood on the deck.

Step Jokes More Step Jokes

What do you say to a molecular biologist who's about to step foot into the ring?

Show him what you're made of!

What would you say is your biggest flaw?

I step in in people's conversations" "i was asking *him*"

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How does that make you feel?

ME: "Mphh mophh wampph." T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch.

What do you call a bunch of potheads working together?

A joint effort!

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

Where's the soap?

Yes, it does." she replies.

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long