Exercise Jokes

What does the captain of the USS Enterprise do for exercise?

Jean-Luc Picardio

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What do you call a gunman who exercises?

An active shooter!

What do the people of Skyrim use to exercise?

A Nordic Track.

What kind of exercise did Jesus do?

Crossfit

How do college students exercise?

By swimming in their debt.

What does seven days without exercise make?

One weak!

How do I get to 280?

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

What does a dog like to wear when it's exercising?

Pants.

What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet?

A pedometer

What is this world coming to?

Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise

Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?

Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.

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Why did the sailboat start exercising?

It wanted to get into ship-shape. HA!

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

What kind of exercise does Ned Flanders like to do?

Diddily-squats.

What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?

Diddly squat

How often do you exercise?

About 3 to 4 times a week. "Be honest." 2003.

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Debt Jokes More Debt Jokes

What did the college student say to a banker?

I am forever in your debt.

How do college students exercise?

By swimming in their debt.

Step Jokes More Step Jokes

What is a crevice that is owned by someone and not allowed to be stepped into?

None of your abyss-ness

What do you do if you step on a landmine?

Well standard procedure is to jump 50 feet and spread over a wide area.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus play basketball?

He got crossed up.

Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers?

Math hue.

Obese Jokes More Obese Jokes

Why are so many people obese these days?

Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99

What did the obese man say about the belt he'd recently purchased?

Top notch.

Jesus Christ Jokes More Jesus Christ Jokes

What's it called when you look in the mirror and say "Jesus Christ I look good"?

Using the lords name in vanity

What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (Jesus Christ this one's even worse than the last)

Skyrim Jokes More Skyrim Jokes

What is the fakest part of Skyrim?

The fact that red guards can swim.

What do you call a Skyrim fan that is good at CSGO?

Nova'kiin

College Student Jokes More College Student Jokes

What is the difference between a camel and a college student?

Camel can go days without drinking!

Where do college students go for medical attention?

An I.V. League.

Active Shooter Jokes More Active Shooter Jokes

What do you call a gunman who exercises?

An active shooter!