Lawyer Jokes

How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?

Only one if you run him through slowly!

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck?

People sometimes get upset if you shoot a duck. The duck is much less greasy. BUT MOST IMPORTANT Nobody ever complains about a duck's bill.

What do you call a bus full of lawyers driving off a cliff?

A Good Start.(http://www.youtube.com/watch v=obKLdou0LH0)

Why'd the lawyer go to Heaven?

Hell was full.

Why was the lawyer home early?

Briefcase

Why did the lawyer go to the tailor?

He wanted a law-suit

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30 Jokes More 30 Jokes

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist?

30 of them are triggered every second

Bus Jokes More Bus Jokes

How do you get Pikachu on the bus?

Poke 'em on!

What do monsters play when they are in the bus?

Squash.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between falling from the 2nd floor and the 20th floor?

The 2nd floor: (SPLAT) AAAAAaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhh...... The 20th floor: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! (SPLAT)

What's the difference between looking for a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva?

Looking for a lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.

Outta Jokes More Outta Jokes

When a hot blonde walks in. The one lawyer says, "Man, wouldn't you like to screw that?

And the other lawyer replies, "Outta what "

How do you like it?

Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt Get outta the gutter pervs

Yale Jokes More Yale Jokes

What do all Yale and Harvard students have in common?

They got into Yale.

What 11 letter word does every Yale graduate spell incorrectly?

I n c o r r e c t l y

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

Why are YOU afraid?

Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW

How's your nutrition?

ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many gnomes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just the two, really. Or as many as will fit, if theyre feeling frisky.

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2...and don't ask me how they got in there. (My 87 year old grandma just told me this one)

Justin Bieber Jokes More Justin Bieber Jokes

What's Justin Bieber's favorite make of car?

Voltz-swaggin. I thought of this myself and I am so, so sorry.

What did Justin Bieber's biggest fan say to him when they met?

Nothing, hes a fan.