Magic Jokes

What's the difference between a magic show and a brothel?

Ones a cunning array of stunts...

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What do you call a dog who can do magic?

A labracadabrador

Why isn't there a college in the world of Harry Potter?

Because even Magic can't pay your college Loan

What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?

Neck-romance-y.

What do you call an owl that does magic?

Hooooooo-dini!

What does a Mexican wizard use to cast magic?

A Juand

What do you call an owl who does magic?

WHO-DINI

How can a thing be heavier than it is?

T: No-sees it's almost 3 pm Magic

What kind of magic do cows believe in?

MOODOO.

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What happens when you stick your hand into a jar of jelly beans?

The black ones steal your watch and the yellow ones paint your nails.

Why didn't Jesus get into college?

Because he got nailed on the boards.

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What's a member of ISIS's favorite game?

Mario Kart: Double Daesh!!

What is something that is always heard but never seen?

A member of the Queen's guard doing a single squat.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What is the only breed of dog a boxer is afraid of?

A Doberman puncher!

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an atheist, an insomniac?

A person that lays awake late at night and ponders if there's such a thing as a dog.

World Jokes More World Jokes

What does your wife/girlfriend want more than anything in the world?

Nothing, she's fine.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change lightbulb?

One. He just stands there with the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.

One Jokes More One Jokes

How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.

What does a condom have in common with a coffin?

Ones for coming and ones for going.

Disappear Jokes More Disappear Jokes

What do you call a disappearing President?

Hocus POTUS

What's it called when you commission someone to make an animated image for your girlfriend but he pockets the money and disappears?

A gf gif gift grift

Harry Potter Jokes More Harry Potter Jokes

Why is Harry Potter so popular?

The story grows on you.

Why couldn't the pregnent women watch all of the Harry Potter movies?

Because they lactate.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did Jared Fogle say when his wife told him she wanted kids?

Me too*

How many true friends do you believe you have?

Me: Define "true friend." Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419.