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Manage Jokes

What do you call the guy who manages my apartment building?

The thoooperintendent.

Love Card

Love Card

What did the double hand amputee get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't managed to open it yet.

What's in Heaven and Hell?

In Heaven, the cops are British, the engineers are German, the lovers are French, the cooks are Italian and the whole thing is managed by the Swiss In Hell, the cops are German, the engineers are French, the lovers are Swiss, the cooks are British and the whole thing is managed by the Italians

Why is ISIS so good at sports?

Even in high-intensity games they always manage to execute

How do the people of northern Iraq manage to get so much done?

The Kurds have their ways

What can happen when a car breaks down?

A woman's car breaks down on a busy highway. She manages to ease it over to the shoulder and gets out and opens the trunk. Immediately two men clothed only in trench coats leap out and begin to open and close their coats, exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic. Pretty soon a police officer stops. "What's going on here?" the cop asks. "My car just broke down," the woman responds. "NO, I mean those two guys," the cop continues. "Oh," the woman replies, "they're just my emergency flashers."

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs?

They sit eggsaminations!

How do you do it w/ 4 kids?

Hubs: With the door locked. Me: She means how do we manage...but yeah.

How do you manage that?

I think it was when I tried to push it through the letterbox.

Why did the bacteriologist quit her job?

She hated being microbe-managed.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage?

Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three.

How did they manage to smoke?

They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter

How did you manage to stay single for so long?

Single Handedly

How do you manage to stay in shape?

Witch 2: "I get a lot of hexercise."

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British Jokes More British Jokes

What's the difference between British crisps and foreign crisps?

One are Walkers and the others just Lays around.

What did the American biscuit say to the British biscuit?

Girl you sure are sweet.

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

Cop Jokes More Cop Jokes

What did the cop say to the doughnut as he ate it?

Rest in **police**.

What do you get when you mix a cat and a blender?

A visit from the cops.

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

Where were you on Friday?

Me: It was a holiday. Boss: HALLOWEEN IS NOT A PAID HOLIDAY! Me: It is if you go as Christmas. Boss:...

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?

Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

What do you call 2 metalheads falling in love?

A match maiden heaven

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What did the double hand amputee get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't managed to open it yet.

Who's there! Alexia! Alexia who?

Alexia again to open this door!

Ship Jokes More Ship Jokes

What did the sea monster have for dinner?

Fish and ships.

Why are marines who can't swim better?

They defend the ship with way more enthusiasm.

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

Who fought in the Civil War?

Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ....

What do you call a Mexican fighting a priest?

Alien vs. Predator