Deliver Jokes

What is the most essential part of any joke?

The way that the punchline of the joke is delivered.

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What did the doctor say when he delivered a blonde-haired baby to an expecting Chinese couple?

Two Wongs don't make a white

Why was Marc Antony still interested in Cleopatra even when she's just had a baby?

Because it was delivered via Ceasarion section

Why do they call Hannibal Lecter The Mail Man?

He always delivers.

Which famous pop duo were the best at delivering cereal?

Haulin' Oates

What does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Sleigh-er

Howard was a kid with a paper route?

Probably not. Opie delivered.

What was the last food delivered to the Twin Towers?

Pizza. Someone ordered two large planes.

How do blind doctors deliver babies?

With a can't c-section.

Why did it take so long for the postie to deliver the missing jigsaw piece?

He had a bit of a puzzle in his hands

Why are people always having their pizzas delivered?

Just order them without liver.

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What is a long, tiresome speech delivered by a frothy pie topping?

Meringue-harangue

What will Tesla build this Christmas to help santa deliver presents?

An elf driving car

How many calls do I get?

Cop: one me: What do you think is more likely a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel

Who is a Project Manager?

Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month.

Why did Opey get fired from his job as a pizza delivery boy?

Because Opey never delivered.

What does a Obstetrician and a well written joke have in common?

They deliver

How are the Oakland Raiders like the mailman?

Neither one delivers on Sunday!

Why did OP get fired from his job as a mailman?

He never delivered.

What do you call a Jedi knight who delivers babies?

Obi-Gyn Kenobi.

What name does Jesus use when delivering pizzas?

Chjesus Chrust *Thanks I will show myself out*

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What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?

A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

What do the dolphins and the post office have in common?

Neither deliver on Sundays.

Who delivers presents to the hood?

Crip Cringle.

What do you call someone that delivers baby horses?

An Equinecologist.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

Why would OP make a terrible pizza chain?

Because they don't deliver.

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

How did the stem cell break it to his girl?

It's not you it's me*iosis* Could probably do with some work on deliver as I made it 5 minutes ago

Which former pop star would be most likely to help deliver a baby?

Paula Ab-doula

What do the post office and the San Francisco 49ers have in common?

They don't deliver on Sunday

Where does monty python buy his water?

From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally.

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Listen Jokes More Listen Jokes

Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher pig?

Because he was an old boar.

What does Santa and his elves listen to in their Christmas workshop?

WRAP MUSIC!

Furniture Jokes More Furniture Jokes

What piece of furniture can you always trust?

A Reputable.

Who the hell buys furniture online?

Why would you buy a chair or couch you can't even sit in What if it has burlap cushions stuffed w/hay

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What does the Doctor use to keep things running smoothly in the T.A.R.D.I.S?

WD-4D

What did the pony say to the doctor when he had a sore throat?

I'm a little hoarse.

Cereal Jokes More Cereal Jokes

What kind of cereal do you find in a haunted house?

Cinnamon Ghost Crunch

What did Pat Benatar say to the kid throwing cereal at her?

Stop using Chex as a weapon!

Marc Antony Jokes More Marc Antony Jokes

Why was Marc Antony still interested in Cleopatra even when she's just had a baby?

Because it was delivered via Ceasarion section

What do you get when you cross Cleopatra with Marc Antony?

Pharaoh-moans.

Cleopatra Jokes More Cleopatra Jokes

What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?

Veni, Vidi... Veni.

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?

Toga-ether we can rule the world!

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What is the biggest difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?

Santa stops at three Ho's

What do you call Santa's wife?

Mrs Claus.

Op Jokes More Op Jokes

When asked to provide proof that he had cirrhosis, what did OP do?

OP de-livered.

Why would OP make a terrible pizza chain?

Because they don't deliver.