Real Life Jokes

Why do console gamers use their in game names in real life?

They haven't got anti-aliasing.

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What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get?

Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

What do you get when you have seven dragon balls?

Nothing! This is real life.

What's the difference between Jesus in real life and Jesus in a picture frame?

It only takes one nail to hang up Jesus in a picture frame.

Whenever I meet a Jim I ask, "is that short for Jimberly?

And I have few friends in real life.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?

In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

How can you tell if someone's a redditor,in real life?

Ask them if they're on reddit. I'm sorry.

What next?

Damn. I guess we'll have talk to people in real life.

How do you use calculus in real life?

You integrate it

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Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What's it called when you're using Tinder on the toilet?

Swiping and wiping.

What's pretty and expensive but has no use?

Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar shelf.

Calculus Jokes More Calculus Jokes

Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?

Because everyone there hates integration.

How do you use calculus in real life?

You integrate it

Jim Jokes More Jim Jokes

Whenever I meet a Jim I ask, "is that short for Jimberly?

And I have few friends in real life.

What do you call a guy who works out regularly?

Jim.

God Jokes More God Jokes

What do Spanish Muslims call their God?

Ollah!

What is an ark?

2) How 2 build ark 3) Can god just build ark 4) Are snakes necessary 5) Is god real or am I high

Porpoise Jokes More Porpoise Jokes

What do you call a sea mammal with a mission?

A porpoise.

Why was the dolphin depressed?

He felt he had no porpoise in life

Binge Jokes More Binge Jokes

What's the difference between real life Friends and the cast of the show Friends?

The ability to binge watch Friends with your friends.

What do bulimic stone masons do?

Binge and parge.

Napoleon Jokes More Napoleon Jokes

Why was Napoleon's last name Bonaparte?

He didn't have any ligaments

What did Napoleon have up his sleevies?

His armies!

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

Why didn't Zeke get that job at the KFC off the interstate?

He thought they'd want to hear that back at the farm, he likes doin' chickens right also.