Shear Jokes

What did the sheep use to shave before his wedding?

Elopping shears

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What's the Welsh word for shearing a sheep?

Foreplay

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Sheep Jokes More Sheep Jokes

How are the band "The Scorpions" and rural shepherds alike?

They just wanna be loved by ewe. Made up this joke/pun at work the other day (I'm sure I'm not the first), decided to subject you all to it. All apologies to shepherds who are not physical with your sheep.

What Do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a Sheep?

A WOOLY JUMPER

Divide Jokes More Divide Jokes

How does a blonde count a thousand sheep?

She counts the legs, and divides by 4.

Why can't white Tumb1r girls divide or multiply by two?

Because they can't even

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What do Mexicans use to slice pizza?

Little Caesers

What do you use to check your cell from across the room?

A telephono lens.

Welsh Jokes More Welsh Jokes

Which member of the Bach family went to prison?

Bachgen Drwg. (it's welsh)

What do the English and Welsh have in common?

Kids are their definition of a good time.

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What's faster, the speed of thought or the speed of light?

Neither, it's diarrhea. Before you could think about it or even turn the lights on, you've already shat yourself.

How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?

The knocking always speeds up.

Shave Jokes More Shave Jokes

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

How much for a haircut?

Barber: Fifteen dollars. How much for a shave Barber: Ten dollars. Right - shave my head.

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

How do you know when a black chick is pregnant?

When she pulls out her tampon and all of the cotton is missing..

What's the difference between sin and shame?

It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

What did Alex Trebek say when he was about to lose his job?

My career is in Jeopardy!

What do you say to an art student with a job?

Uhh, I would like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese