How to make your wife take care while driving?

Tell her that if she meets with a serious accident, the newspaper will have to print her age.

This joke may have profanity.
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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What do my wife and a chest freezer have in common?

The exterior is hot, but its cold as ice inside.

Why do husbands typically die before their wives?

They want to.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)

How do you tell an X chromosome from a Y chromosome?

Pull down its genes.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?

Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!

Why are you driving on the sidewalk?

Motorist: It's too dangerous on the street.

Care Jokes More Care Jokes

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

Who cares!

Why does no one care that space is a vacuum?

Oh it doesn't really matter.

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

Why did the relationship between two parallel lines never worked out?

It never worked out because they never met

What do you call a bunch of furries, an all girls volleyball meet, and a video game tournament?

Genesis 3.

Age Jokes More Age Jokes

What do r/jokes and my dads jokes have in common?

They don't get better with age

Why do ghosts never age?

They use Bootox.

Accident Jokes More Accident Jokes

What do you think you're doing driving through that intersection fifty miles an hour?

Driver: My brakes don't work so I was rushing home before I had an accident.

What is it called when a ninja flees the scene of an accident?

Hidden Run.

Newspaper Jokes More Newspaper Jokes

What kind of newspaper do cows read?

The Moo York Times

What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?

Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?

Print Jokes More Print Jokes

What did Picard say to Riker when the knitting machine wouldn't print single digits?

Make it sew number 1!

What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan?

Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end