30 Minute Jokes

How do you hear a hormone?

Pay $100 for 30 minutes

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How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

What do performing bears at the circus get for lunch?

30 minutes.

Why does your face look like a donut?

Me 30 minutes into dieting

How to raise a kid?

I injected my kid with yeast and put him in the oven for 30 minutes but he didn't rise. Any suggestions

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Face Jokes More Face Jokes

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?

Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

How do you get a clown off of its unicycle?

Hit it in the face with a pickaxe.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

When is the one time when no doesn't mean no?

When a woman rejects feminism.

What did the busy port master say to the rowdy pirates who wanted to dock?

I don't have time for your ship.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What's the worse thing to hear during a prostate exam?

A zip.

Why did the man bring his bed with him to the hospital?

It's because he heard hospital beds have a high mortality rate.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?

Put it on my bill

Credit Jokes More Credit Jokes

What do you call a mythical milkshake?

Legendairy (credits to my friend Edward Feng for this really dumb pun)

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

How does the Mummy plan to destroy Superman?

He's gonna lure him in to the crypt tonight.

Why doesn't Superman like the Mummy?

Because the Mummy's always saying, "I'll be in the crypt tonight."

Donut Jokes More Donut Jokes

What do you call a donut that is out of this world?

Astronaut-----

What star sign is a donut?

It's a Taurus!

England Jokes More England Jokes

What's the difference between a tea bag and England?

A tea bag stays longer in a cup.

Why is England so special?

Only they can pull out of Europe twice in a week.