Grandma Jokes

Who is your Grandma's favorite politician?

Bernie Sandmaster Flash

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What did 50 cent say to his grandma when he saw her knitting?

Gee U Knit!

How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?

You get Insta-Gram

Why was the cotton candy singing?

Grandma, hush, that's Nicki Minaj

What did grandma say to grandpa while in bed?

Keep it up!

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxer shorts?

Your grandma.

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

Why is grandpa fine with performing tricks, but gets mad if you ask grandma?

It took him forever to get her off that street corner.

What did Rihanna say to her grandma with Alzheimer's?

Oh na na, what's my name

What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas?

Gee, you knit

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Why is that cotton candy talking?

Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.

What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.

Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma?

I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana

Why do we have 52,455,865 pictures of Grandma?

My future grandchildren probably

What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?

Grandma monster

What did the cow say... What did the cow say when she jumped over the barbed wire fence?

I'm udderly ruined!" credit: my grandma, at every party she's ever been to

What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your undies?

Your grandma.

How old is your Grandma?

I dunno but we've had him a long time.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

What is it Johnny?

Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics " "No, why " "She's outside, under a bus"

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What do you call your grandma on speed dial?

Instragram!

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Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?

Lily!

What did one frog say to the other frog?

Time's fun when you're having flies.

Unlock Jokes More Unlock Jokes

What did Zelda tell Link when he couldn't unlock the door?

Triforce

How do you unlock a monastery door?

With a monk key.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?

Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

What do lesbians use for lubricant?

Tartar sauce!

Apologise Jokes More Apologise Jokes

How does Schrdinger apologise?

Sorry not sorry

Where's the best place to apologise to someone?

Surrey.

Insta Gram Jokes More Insta Gram Jokes

How much does the average Hipster weigh?

About 74,000 Insta-grams.

What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?

You get Insta-Gram

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

What do you tell a diabetic girl in bed?

Hi sugar

Rhino Jokes More Rhino Jokes

What do you get when you mix a rhino with an elephant?

Eliphino

What do you get when you mix a helicopter and a rhino?

Hell if I know.

Bp Station Jokes More Bp Station Jokes

Where do Bees use the bathroom?

At the BP station. (thanks grandma)

Where do bees go to the bathroom?

The BP station.