Grandma Jokes

What do you call a grandma that know martial arts?

A grandmartial artist. I apologise for any lost brain cells.

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Who is your Grandma's favorite politician?

Bernie Sandmaster Flash

What did Grandma say to the frog?

Something racist, probably.

What's the name of that German guy that keeps hiding my stuff around the house?

Alzheimer, Grandma.

What did 50 cent say to his grandma when he saw her knitting?

Gee U Knit!

How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?

You get Insta-Gram

Why was the cotton candy singing?

Grandma, hush, that's Nicki Minaj

What did grandma say to grandpa while in bed?

Keep it up!

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxer shorts?

Your grandma.

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

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Why is grandpa fine with performing tricks, but gets mad if you ask grandma?

It took him forever to get her off that street corner.

What did Rihanna say to her grandma with Alzheimer's?

Oh na na, what's my name

What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas?

Gee, you knit

Why is that cotton candy talking?

Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.

What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.

What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?

When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.

Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma?

I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana

Why do we have 52,455,865 pictures of Grandma?

My future grandchildren probably

What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?

Grandma monster

What did the cow say... What did the cow say when she jumped over the barbed wire fence?

I'm udderly ruined!" credit: my grandma, at every party she's ever been to

When I was your age I ate every one. Mary: Do you still like crusts Grandma?

Grandma: Yes I do. Mary: Well you can have mine.

What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your undies?

Your grandma.

How old is your Grandma?

I dunno but we've had him a long time.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

What is it Johnny?

Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics " "No, why " "She's outside, under a bus"

What do you call your grandma on speed dial?

Instragram!

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Rhino Jokes More Rhino Jokes

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

I don't know but it's not rhelephant.

What do you get when you cross a horse, an elephant, and a rhino?

Helephino.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?

I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones

What can I get you to drink?

Pepsi" Is Peps- Uh one moment please In kitchen, to manager I don't know, he just said Pepsi. What do I do

Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

Why frogs don't use Google?

They're angry since Froogle was discontinued years ago!

Why cant we interpret what frogs are saying?

They only speak in Morse-toad!

Bp Station Jokes More Bp Station Jokes

Where do Bees use the bathroom?

At the BP station. (thanks grandma)

Where do bees go to the bathroom?

The BP station.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What're you in for?

I had a solid tweet *takes drag off cigarette* and no one faved it. I just lost it." "We've all been there, brother."

Why did the Mexican lorry driver lose his job?

He ate his tacho.

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

How do you catch King Kong?

Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

What is red and hangs around trees?

A baby hit by a snow blower

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do you call a monk that likes vaporwave?

A S C E T I C

How do you like it?

Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt Get outta the gutter pervs

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

What is yellow, fluffy, and hides your slippers?

A Labrador Deceiver.

What's a narcoleptics favorite game?

Hide and go sleep.