Grandma Jokes

Who is your Grandma's favorite politician?

Bernie Sandmaster Flash

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Birthday State of Mind

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What did 50 cent say to his grandma when he saw her knitting?

Gee U Knit!

How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?

You get Insta-Gram

Why was the cotton candy singing?

Grandma, hush, that's Nicki Minaj

What did grandma say to grandpa while in bed?

Keep it up!

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxer shorts?

Your grandma.

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

Why is grandpa fine with performing tricks, but gets mad if you ask grandma?

It took him forever to get her off that street corner.

What did Rihanna say to her grandma with Alzheimer's?

Oh na na, what's my name

What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas?

Gee, you knit

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We've Got This Love Thing Down

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Why is that cotton candy talking?

Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.

What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.

Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma?

I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana

Why do we have 52,455,865 pictures of Grandma?

My future grandchildren probably

What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?

Grandma monster

What did the cow say... What did the cow say when she jumped over the barbed wire fence?

I'm udderly ruined!" credit: my grandma, at every party she's ever been to

What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your undies?

Your grandma.

How old is your Grandma?

I dunno but we've had him a long time.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

What is it Johnny?

Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics " "No, why " "She's outside, under a bus"

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Love Card

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What do you call your grandma on speed dial?

Instragram!

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What did the Alabama woman say when she lost her virginity?

Dad you're crushing my cigarettes.

How are new marriages just like LOST?

The Significant Others just want babies.

House Jokes More House Jokes

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's House?

All right, all right, all right..

What did the hippie say when you told him to leave your house?

Namaste

Apologise Jokes More Apologise Jokes

What do you call an academic who apologises all the time?

An anthropologist

How do boats apologise?

S ry!

Fbi Jokes More Fbi Jokes

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

What do you call a dinosaur FBI agent?

A pteredacted.

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

Why did the elephant paint his balls green?

To hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados

Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.?

His vision was based on movements.

Stuff Jokes More Stuff Jokes

Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years?

It was stuffed.

How many kittens can you stuff into a microwave for 15 minutes on defrost...?

SEVEN.

German Jokes More German Jokes

What do you call a German barber?

Herr Kutz (This was funnier when I was half asleep this morning)

What do a German says when you show him a good meme?

Danke

Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

What happened to the frog who parked illegally?

He got toad

What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit?

A rabbit that says "Ribbit."