Grandma Jokes

Who is your Grandma's favorite politician?

Bernie Sandmaster Flash

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What did 50 cent say to his grandma when he saw her knitting?

Gee U Knit!

How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?

You get Insta-Gram

Why was the cotton candy singing?

Grandma, hush, that's Nicki Minaj

What did grandma say to grandpa while in bed?

Keep it up!

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxer shorts?

Your grandma.

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

Why is grandpa fine with performing tricks, but gets mad if you ask grandma?

It took him forever to get her off that street corner.

What did Rihanna say to her grandma with Alzheimer's?

Oh na na, what's my name

What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas?

Gee, you knit

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Why is that cotton candy talking?

Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj.

What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.

Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma?

I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana

Why do we have 52,455,865 pictures of Grandma?

My future grandchildren probably

What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?

Grandma monster

What did the cow say... What did the cow say when she jumped over the barbed wire fence?

I'm udderly ruined!" credit: my grandma, at every party she's ever been to

What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your undies?

Your grandma.

How old is your Grandma?

I dunno but we've had him a long time.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

What is it Johnny?

Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics " "No, why " "She's outside, under a bus"

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Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What do you call your grandma on speed dial?

Instragram!

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House Jokes More House Jokes

What did the pink panther have all over his house after he fumigated for insects?

Dead ants... dead ants... dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead aaaaantsss

Why did Thoreau build a house?

Because he wanted to be walled-in.

Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

Why did Microsoft skip a number when naming their new operating system?

Because 7 ate 9.

Why was six scared of seven?

Because seven "ate" nine.

German Guy Jokes More German Guy Jokes

What do you call a German guy wearing basketball shoes?

Herr Jordan

Unlock Jokes More Unlock Jokes

What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.

What do you call a monk that operates a door unlocking service?

A monkey. (p.s. I have a wonderful, terrible love for bad jokes)

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

What do you get when you cross a rhino with an elephant?

Hell-if-i-know (my grandma's favorite joke)

What happens when you plant a sesame seed?

Does a sesame grow What is a sesame Where my botanists at Where the hell am I

Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

Why do frogs have webbed feet?

To stamp out forest fires!

Why are frogs on the endangered species list?

Because they croak a lot!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens on the first date with Bill Cosby?

I don't remember

What happens if you violate Reddit's content policy?

Removed

Fbi Jokes More Fbi Jokes

Why will the artist formerly know as Prince only hire former FBI agents as his house maids?

Because they must be able to "dust for Prince"

What do you call a divorced FBI agent?

Fed-Ex