Frog Jokes

Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred?

Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her throat.

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What do you call a frog in the no parking zone?

Toad

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?

Nothing.

What's green and red and goes 100 mph?

A frog in a blender.

Why was Miss Piggy sick for her show?

There was a frog in her throat.

What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?

Nothing. She had a frog in her throat.

What did one frog say to the other?

Why frogs don't use Google?

They're angry since Froogle was discontinued years ago!

What's green and smells like pork?

Kermit the Frog

What do frogs deal?

Croakaine

What does a frog do when it barbecues?

Rib it...duh!

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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What kind of condoms do frogs wear?

Rib-bed

What happens to illegally parked frogs?

They get toad away.

Why did the Frog cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the Chicken.

What sounds like a frog but keeps me up all night?

What do frogs say?

Times fun when you're having flies

What did Sacagawea the frog say in the trampoline factory?

I'm very hoppy.

What do you call a hapoy frog?

Hoppy

What happens to a frog that parks illegally?

He gets toad.

Whats does dissecting a frog and explaining a joke have in common?

Sure, you know how it works, but now it's dead.

What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog. It croaks every night.

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What advice did the frog give to the condom manufacturer?

Rib it.

How does a frog greet a rabbit during the holiday season?

Hoppy holidays, and have a hoppin New Hare! Happy holidays everyone.

What do you do for a frog with a belly ache?

Rubbit.

Why cant we interpret what frogs are saying?

They only speak in Morse-toad!

Whats green and goes through walls?

A frog if you throw it hard enough...

What do you call a frog that jumps half the distance to its destination every time?

An asymptoad.

Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs middle finger.

What happened to the frog that broke down?

It got toad away.

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII have in common?

Same middle name.

What's green then turns red really quickly?

A frog in a blender

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

What goes green-red-green-red-green-red-green-red?

A frog in my blender

Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 70?

She got a frog stuck in her throat at 69.

What did you think of the chapter on frogs?

Biologist 2: Oh it was quite ribbiting.

What's red and green and spins round &amp round &amp round?

A frog in a blender.

Whats green and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender!

What's the difference between a frog?

One leg's both the same.

Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?

In the croakroom!

What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?

A dog who can lick himself from across the room

What happens when you double park your frogs?

They get toad!

What do you call a frog that is illegally parked?

Toad.

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog have in common?

Hogwarts!

What kind of shoes do Frogs wear?

Open Toad sandals...

What do you call a frog with seven legs?

A seven-legged frog.

What can be surmised from this?

The frog's probably on its way to a gig.

How can I help you?

Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List!" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"

What do frogs drink?

Hot croako!

Why are frogs on the endangered species list?

Because they croak a lot!

What did the frog say when he walked into the bar?

Bonjour.*

What kind of drugs to frogs take?

Methamphibians.

What happened to the frog who parked illegally?

He got toad

How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs?

They sit eggsaminations!

What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?

Lily!

What do you get... Q. What do you get if you cross a large dinosaur with a frog?

A. A diplo-croak-us.

What happened when a frog joined the cricket team?

He bowled long hops!

What do Kermit the Frog and David Cameron Have in Common?

They both like to pork.

Why was the frog down in the mouth?

He was un hoppy!

How do you get a frog out of a paper bag?

Ripit

What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit?

A rabbit that says "Ribbit."

Why does Mrs. Piggy douche with honey?

A. Because Kermit the Frog likes sweet and sour pork.

Why are frogs no good at websurfing?

Computers have them toad-ily confused.

Why did the man wear a frog for a condom?

So he was ribbit for her pleasure.

Why did Ms. Piggy call in sick to work?

Because she had a frog in her throat.

Why do frogs have webbed feet?

To stamp out forest fires!

What's the difference between a frog and a cat?

A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.

What name do you give to a frog?

Croaky voice) ROBBERT

What did the bunny say to the frog?

My name is Rabbit, not ribbit!!(https://www.youtube.com/watch v=CYkDxsaHlkg)

What kind of shoes to frogs like?

Open toad sandals!

What side dish do frogs like to enjoy with their hamburgers?

French Flies!

What do you call a frog with no hind legs?

Unhoppy!!

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

What did the bus conductor say to the frog?

Hop on.

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.

What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?

Kermit the Fog!

What do you get if you cross a frog with a decathlete?

Someone who pole-vaults without a pole.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog?

A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!

Where do frogs keep their treasure?

In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?

A hoppercraft!

What's green and says "hey I'm a frog"?

A talking frog! Stolen from "Friends" still hilarious.

What do you call an awesome internet site for frogs?

Rebbit.

Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants?

They always want to play leap frog with him

What happens when Frogs die playing Call of Duty?

They respawn.

What did the frog with internet addiction say?

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common?

They share the same middle name.

What did the frog with the speech impediment say?

Thibbit

How did the frog cross the road when a truck was coming?

SPLAT!!! He didn't.

What are some towing related jokes i can impress my car club coworkers with?

I've already got that the frog called our car club to get toad, but that's about where my puns end.

What does a frog say when it washes car windows?

Rub it rub it rub it.

How does a frog fasten two objects together?

Rivets.

What did one frog say to the other frog?

Time's fun when you're having flies.

What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?

A croaker spaniel!

When is a car like a frog?

When it's becing toad!

Why is a frog luckier than a cat?

Because a frog croaks all the time but a cat only gets to croak nine times!

What do you call a frog that's parked illegally?

Toad.

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Fly Jokes More Fly Jokes

What does have eyes but can't see, has legs but can't walk, and has wings but can't fly?

A dead bird.

Why was the bird sick?

It had the flew and its throat was soar.

Miss Piggy Jokes More Miss Piggy Jokes

What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?

Nothing. She had a frog in her throat.

Why did Kermit break up with Miss Piggy?

He wasn't ready for a Kermitment.

Deaf Guy Jokes More Deaf Guy Jokes

What did the deaf guy say to the blind guy?

I can't hear you, but I can see your point

What did a chemist say to a deaf guy?

Does it matter

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

Why did the chicken run out into traffic?

To get to the other side.

What's the saddest thing about being a chicken?

You only get laid once.

100 Mph Jokes More 100 Mph Jokes

What fish goes up the river at 100mph?

A motor pike!

What's green and red and goes 100 mph?

A frog in a blender.

Good Behavior Jokes More Good Behavior Jokes

What do you call houses who have good behavior?

Manors.

What did the mama frog say to the baby frog when they left for a party?

You better amphi-BE-ON your best behavior.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?

I'll be Bach.

Why are hamburgers essential to football?

Because the game is played on a griddle-iron!

Elephant Jokes More Elephant Jokes

How do you fit an elephant in a thimble?

You take the "I" out of "thimble" and the "F" out of "way."

What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside?

An elephant disguised as a banana!