Con Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

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What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches?

On one hand, you have a watch... But on the other hand, you have a watch.

What's a good thing about a novelist conman?

He may have a lot of cons, but he also has a lot of prose.

What's the best thing about a poet in a prison?

Oh you know, it has its prose and cons. Badum Tish. Be gentle, first time here.

What's the opposite of pro?

Con. So what's the opposite of progress

Who's there! Con! Con who?

Con unhinged!

Why did the scale decide that the scam artists were heavier than the novels?

Because the cons outweighed the prose.

What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What are the 5 best Vegetables of all time?

Tink about it. Gai lan, gai lan... gai lan, gai lan, and gai lan. (thanks to Chapelle show skit((making the band)))

What do you get when you subtract the date and time that Tony Stark built an AI from the current date and time?

The Age Of Ultron.

Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

What do you call a pig who overacts?

A ham ham.

What do pigs drive?

Pig-up trucks!

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

How fast can you travel in any direction in an airport?

Terminal velocity.

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

Xmas Jokes More Xmas Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

Snowman Jokes More Snowman Jokes

What did one Snowman say to the other Snowman?

Can you smell carrot?

What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps!

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do people say half a dozen?

Why can't they just say Six

Why do people get addicted to meth?

Because they didn't think of the aftermeth.

Prisoner Jokes More Prisoner Jokes

What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner?

A Kong - vict!

What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones.

Condescend Jokes More Condescend Jokes

What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call a scam artist who is walking down the stairs?

Condescending