Drink Jokes

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

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Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What did the aliens say, when they came to earth in search of soda pop?

Take me to your liter!

Who came in first?

The over easy egg because it was really runny. How about second The over medium egg because it was only a little runny. And last That would be the baked egg.

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

How do you make Ben Carson yell?

Watch a movie with him.

What do a slinky and your mother in law have in common?

They're both fun to watch tumble down stairs.

Confront Jokes More Confront Jokes

What does a college kid do when confronted by an evil spirit?

He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit.

What's the first thing you should do when confronted by an evil spirit?

Try to neghostiate.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did the zombie farmer say he wanted?

Grrraaaaiiinnns...

Who Wants to be a Millionaire messes up while reading the question?

A Regis Error.

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

What did the urologist say to his patient who forgot to take his medication?

Urine trouble!

Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of pizza does Buddha like?

One with everything.

When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

Alzheimer Jokes More Alzheimer Jokes

What do you call pasta with alzheimers?

Forgetti

What's the worst thing about living with Alzheimer's?

I forgot

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What do you call it when a man has a beer in each hand?

Irish handcuffs.

Why are women and children evacuated first in an emergency?

So the men can think of a solution in silence.