Gold Medal Jokes

How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics?

They take their prison population and school population to Rio.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What's better than winning a gold medal in the quadriplegic (crippled) Olympics?

Walking.

What's the only thing better than a gold medal at the Paralympics?

Legs

Why does Mexico never get gold medals in Olympics?

Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.

What's better than a gold medal at the Paralympics?

Working legs.

What happens when a blonde wins a gold medal at the Olympics?

She has it bronzed.

Why has the pope never won a gold medal?

Because he always came in a little behind.

What did Ryan Lochte name his Gold medal?

GoldiLochtes

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Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why won't Bernie Sanders win the rational election?

Because he's two radical.

Why does the Pope always win at chess?

He has so many Bishops!

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water?

Bob

What has two arms and 14 legs?

Guy who collects legs.

Pope Jokes More Pope Jokes

What did the pope say when he spilled the sacramental wine?

Do we have any papal towels

Why should the Pope play NBA basketball?

Because every time he puts up a prayer it gets answered. (I thought of this myself, but it is so corny, it could easily be in every damn joke book.)

Olympic Jokes More Olympic Jokes

What's the difference between the Olympic long distance race and the Paralympic long distance race?

A lap

How many armed men does it take to extort an Olympic athlete?

A Brazilian.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

Why do people hit things (ex. TV, computer, etc.) when they don't work?

Well, it worked with the slaves.

What is the only thing more permanent than a Sharpie marker?

A STD.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

What's the difference between a gun and amnesia?

Oh shoot, I forgot...

Why do heroine addicts rarely have meetings late in the afternoon?

Because it's dangerous to shoot for 3 or even 4.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What has 10,000 legs and can't walk?

Jerry's Kids...

What do you call 2 doctors walking together?

Pair-o-Medics

Ryan Lochte Jokes More Ryan Lochte Jokes

When the bartender asks you what's in a Ryan Lochte?

Just say "I don't know, make something up"

What did Ryan Lochte name his Gold medal?

GoldiLochtes