Kilt Jokes

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

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Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?

Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers

What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

What do you call a bunny in a kilt?

A hopscotch

What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?

Second fella says "A kilt of course!" First fella "What's the tartin " "She's wearing white" says his pal

What do you call a man with a kilt over his head?

Scott!

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What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

Why are people still using a dictionary?

I just type the words into Google and see if it corrects me.

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What does the Scottish man say after love making?

I love ewe!

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

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How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

Why can't you trust girls?

Because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.

New Zealand Jokes More New Zealand Jokes

What do you call a shorn sheep in a New Zealand bar?

A skimpy.

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in New Zealand?

A community centre

Course Jokes More Course Jokes

What's the funniest joke you've heard that can be told to a 5th grader?

I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course) What do you call a fish with no eyes... A FSHHH

Why did the music industry talent scout take a course in game programming?

He thought it would help him with his hit detection.

Mcdonald Jokes More Mcdonald Jokes

What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds.

What is McDonald's demolition service called?

Quarter pounder.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What are the two things someone with a face tattoo never hears?

You're hired" "Not guilty"

How can you tell there is a Canadian in your closet?

You can hear someone scooting aboot in it

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What do you call a bee that can't make up his mind?

Second Caribou: A maybee.

Did you hear about the hungry clock?

It went back four seconds.