Literally Jokes

Why are high school girls only 13, 15, or 17?

Because OMG, they like LITERALLY can't even.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What did the valley girl say when her pen ran out of ink?

I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN WRITE NOW

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Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would The Hulk do?"

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?

I'll be Bach.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

When someone says "excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable", how long are they usually gone?

Two days seems like a long time.

What time of day was Adam born?

Just a little before Eve

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What do an anorexic girl and the UK have in common?

They both lose pounds really fast.

Why do shoes get sad... Why do shoes get sad when they lose their matching shoe?

Because they lost their solemate

Liter Jokes More Liter Jokes

Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze?

So that he didn't have to buy a winter coat.

Who's in charge of all the liquid measurements?

The liter.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What direction does a Walter White-themed GPS tell you to turn?

Goddamn right.

How do you know if someone has been to Florida?

They'll tell you.

Islam Jokes More Islam Jokes

Why are Muslim men allowed 4 wives?

Because "Islam gives women equal rights!"

What do you call the fruit of Islam?

Quran-berries

Understand Jokes More Understand Jokes

Why is a change machine easy to understand?

It makes cents.

Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding sarcasm?

They take things literally

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why is Santa always happy?

Because he knows where the naughty girls live. (a kid told me this one)

Why are dolphins all friends with each other?

They just click you know