Pond Jokes

How does a duck swim from one side of the pond to the other?

Very Quackly

Birthday State of Mind

What's yellow and lies in a pond?

Disclaimer: I don't know how well this joke will work in English. What's yellow and lies in a pond? An excevator. You don't think this is funny? Neither does the operator.

What are you doing here?

I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?

Wet feet.

How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?

A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

What do you get if you cross a pond with snowshoes?

Wet.

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Goose Jokes More Goose Jokes

What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A handful of sheet.

What do you call a group of goose haunting you?

A poltergeest

Risk Jokes More Risk Jokes

How do you want your mother-in-law buried or cremated?

Hmm No risk do both.

Why do Butchers don't risk it all in life?

Because the Steaks are too high.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

Where's my money?

A loan shark "Where are my friends - alone shark

Why couldn't Ray Charles see his friends?

Because he was married

Circus Jokes More Circus Jokes

What's the difference between the strippers and the circus?

The circus has a cunning array of stunts.

What works in a circus walks a tightrope and has claws?

An acrocat!

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get if you cross a telephone with a hunting dog?

A golden receiver!

What "bus" crossed the ocean?

Columbus.

Land Jokes More Land Jokes

What fictional city can ISIS not invade by land?

Gotham City.

What do you call a reptiloid that crashed landed its spaceship?

Imsosaurus!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the body builder...whose favorite gym closed down?

He was depressed.

What happens when you get some vinegar in your ear?

You suffer from pickled hearing!

Lizard Jokes More Lizard Jokes

What do ya call it when a lizard goes completely limp?

A reptile-dysfunction.

What do you call it when a lizard has problems in the bedroom?

A reptile dysfunction