Spade Jokes

Which playing card can turn its hand to everything?

Jack of all Spades

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What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug.

What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards?

In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade.

Who's there! Acis! Acis who?

Acis spades!

What is the difference between a poker card and Africa?

The sooner is the Ace of Spades and the latter, a Space of AIDS.

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Doug Got a set of tweezers as the toy as well. Hours of fun right there.

How do you stop a monster digging up your garden?

Take his spade away.

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

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Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why do you need patience at the gym?

Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.

What do a Marionette User and Tampon Thief have in common?

They both pull strings for work. (Inspired by Bo Burnham, this popped into my head the other day)

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How do you get a woman to stop texting you?

Reply to her message within a minute

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

Aids Jokes More Aids Jokes

What is the hardest part about your wife telling you she has AIDS?

Acting surprised.

What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas?

AIDS

Garden Jokes More Garden Jokes

What kind of gardening is done in the hood?

Weeding

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball it drives them nuts!

Ace Jokes More Ace Jokes

What is the difference between a poker card and Africa?

The sooner is the Ace of Spades and the latter, a Space of AIDS.

Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker?

They have to take ACE inhibitors.

Begin Jokes More Begin Jokes

When is a tree it's loudest?

When it begins to bark.

Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain?

To stop getting wet!

Dig Jokes More Dig Jokes

Why didn't British explorers dig latrines?

They had pith helmets.

Why are there so many women archaeologists?

Because women love digging up the past.

Set Jokes More Set Jokes

What do you have when you get 32 rednecks in a line?

A full set of teeth

What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?

I set* ***who*** *free "*