Wedding Ring Jokes

What are the three rings of marriage?

The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

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Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job?

Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage?

1) The engagement ring 2) The wedding ring 3) The suffering

What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for?

Best before...

Where's your wedding ring?

I said, "I had to wash my hands so I took it off and placed it on my lover--I mean your mother's kitchen counter."

What do you get if you cross a telephone and a marriage bureau?

A wedding ring!

What's the leading cause of obesity in women?

Wedding rings

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House Jokes More House Jokes

How do you get someone with a doctorate in philosophy to leave your house?

Just pay for your pizza.

How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.

Marry Jokes More Marry Jokes

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

Feyonce.

How long you two been married?

It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.

Telephone Jokes More Telephone Jokes

What fish sounds like a telephone?

Herring herring...herring herring...herring herring.

What was more important than the invention of the first telephone?

The second telephone.

Marriage Jokes More Marriage Jokes

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

What are the three rings of marriage?

The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

Whats the difference between a Porsche and an erection?

I dont have a Porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

Why doesn't democracy work in China?

Because no one wants to hold an erection.

Ring Jokes More Ring Jokes

What rings twice and screams once?

Ray Charles answering the iron

What did Mars say to Saturn?

Give me a ring sometime.

Wedding Day Jokes More Wedding Day Jokes

What did Mr. Cena's fiancee say on their wedding day?

No, John! *You* can't see *me!*

What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?

A forty-carrot wedding ring.

Place Jokes More Place Jokes

What did the hipster say when a Starbucks opened in his neighborhood?

You can't gentrify this place! I just moved here!

Why was the white man chasing the black man?

Because he was in first place.