Chimney Jokes

What do you call someone who's afraid of Santa getting stuck in their chimney?

Claus-trophobic.

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Why can't there be a Santa Pig?

Pigs don't fit in chimneys.

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?

He keeps a log

Why does Santa go down the chimney?

Because it **soots** him. Credit: Curious: The Tourist Guide

What happens when Santa get stuck in a chimney?

He gets claustrophobic!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Black mail!

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?

An umbrella!

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What is Eminem's favourite food?

Wraps

Why did the packaged green onion get into trouble?

Because it was a wrapped scallion.

Santa Claus Jokes More Santa Claus Jokes

How does Santa Claus take pictures?

With his North Pole-aroid.

How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?

Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party?

I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy.

Why is a dog like a baseball player?

He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.

Present Jokes More Present Jokes

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

How much does automail cost?

An arm and a leg.

Why did the milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder

Auschwitz Jokes More Auschwitz Jokes

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

What's the best way to send a letter to Prince Charles?

Heir mail

What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time?

Cross mouse cards!

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

What is the most effective way to remember your wifes birthday?

Forget it once.

How does someone with amnesia tell a joke?

I don't remember.