Henry Viii Jokes

What do you get when you cross Henry VIII and Vlad the Impaler?

Executed.

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Which hand did Henry VIII use to wipe his bottom with?

Anne Boleyn's.

What do you call the vehicle used to carry Henry VIII's second wife to the hospital?

An Anne-Boleyn-ce.

What's the correct what to enter a Henry VIII convention?

You just Amblein.

Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII?

She was trying to get ahead!

Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?

He liked to chop and change!

How does Henry VIII like his coffee?

Decap.

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What do you call a TV reality show where a 50 year old white man is trying to get laid?

To catch a predator. Why do white girls walk around in groups of 3 and 5? Because they can't even! Why do white people have so many pets? Because owning people is not legal anymore Would love to hear more white people-specific jokes :) They seem to be really rare.

Why did the blonde give up on trying to blow up a car?

She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe

Vlad Jokes More Vlad Jokes

What do you call Dracula when he goes swimming?

Aqua-Vlad

What did the Englishman call the hilarious Slav?

Top Vlad.

Wipe Jokes More Wipe Jokes

What's it called when you're using Tinder on the toilet?

Swiping and wiping.

What does Magneto do when his computer gets dirty?

He wipes the hard drive.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

How can I buy the New York Times?

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

Vehicle Jokes More Vehicle Jokes

What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The pro-lease department

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

How many kids do you think Wolverine has?

Because a vasectomy would heal in seconds and he doesn't look like he'd wear a rubber or pull out.

How do you trap an elephant?

You first dig a hole, second, you fill the hole with ashes, also throw some peas in there. When the elephant stops to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why can every black person run so fast?

Because the slow ones are in jail.

What's the definition of a redneck virgin?

A 7 year-old girl who can run faster than her brothers.

Hospital Jokes More Hospital Jokes

Why did the vampire go to hospital?

He wanted his ghoulstones removed.

What do you call it when you can't decide between a natural birth and the hospital?

A midwife crisis.