Ghost Jokes

Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.

Why didn't the ghost have any babies?

Because he had a Halloweenie! (Hollow-weenie)

Why did the ghost cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Who represents a Ghost in court?

A Paralegal.

How do ghosts like their chicken cooked?

Terri-fried!

What gives a ghost the right to haunt people?

A haunting license

Why did the ghosts haunt the bar?

For the boos.

Why don't ghosts play sports?

Boo!

What do these jokes and a ghost have in common?

Boo man! Boo!

What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

What do ghosts wear?

Boo Jeans

Why didn't the ghost go to the dance?

He had no body to dance with

Why did the ghost get kicked out of the bar?

Because he was sheet faced.

Why did the ghost go into the elevator?

To lift his spirits.

How do Ghosts get Drunk?

Booze.

Why can't ghosts make babies?

They have hollow weenies!.... And I'll just see myself out.

Why does riding in an elevator make ghosts happy?

It lifts spirits

How do ghosts get ghouls interested in them?

They woooooooOOOOOOOooooo them.

Why was the ghost on an episode of Hoaders?

He was a little... Possesive

Why do ghosts say booOoOoo?

Because they are disappointed in you...

How do you date a ghost?

You 'WOOOO' him!

What do you get if you cross Bambi and a ghost?

Bamboo

How do Ghosts lay foundations?

With a spirit level!

Why don't ghosts have kids?

Because they have Hollow-Weinies

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?

Hoblin Goblin.

What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you?

A phone moan.

Why do ghosts carry tissues?

Because they have BOOOOgers.

What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off?

Ban-she ban-she!

What's it called when you kidnap a ghost?

A Polter-Heist

What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips?

Snacks that go crunch in the night.

Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who?

Just Boo! I'm a ghost!

What happens when you goose a ghost?

You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)

What room does a ghost not need?

A living room

What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

A polterheist.

What's black on the outside, green on the inside and can go through walls?

Ghost avocado.

What did the ghost wearing sox say?

Shhoooooooooooooeeeeeesss!! Shoooooooooooooooooose!

Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?

The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

Who did the ghost invite to his party?

Anyone he could dig up.

What did one ghost say to the other?

Do you believe in people

What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub?

The landlord said "Sorry we don't serve spirits."

What do you get when you cross a ghost and a the letter K?

A book.

Why'd you give me ghost shaped candy?

Cuz you my BOO

What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment?

A phantomime!

Why did the car judder to a stop when it saw a ghost?

It had a nervous breakdown.

What is the proper way to address the king of the ghosts?

Your ghostliness.

What do ghosts watch if they want to relax?

Skelly-vision!

How do ghosts navigate the ocean?

They use boo-eys.

What part of the house does a ghost not use?

The living room

Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?

They would steal all the boos.

What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?

Boo-meringue

When do ghosts play tricks on each other?

On April Ghoul's Day

What European capital has the most ghosts?

Boodapest!

How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat?

You use a spirit level.

What do you call the ghost of a dessert-chef who returns no matter how many times they're exorcised?

A boo-meringue

What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

The shadow of his former shelf.

What sort of underwear does the ghost of a French baker wear?

Boulangerie.

How do ghosts fly from one place to another?

By scareplane.

What happened to the ghost who went to a party?

He had a wail of a time.

What do you call a ghost in spring?

April ghouls

What do ghosts do when they're sad?

They get in an elevator to lift their spirits.

What do ghosts drink for Halloween?

BOOOOZE!

What did the ghost say on December 25th?

Scary Christmas!

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?

The roller ghosted.

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?

A boo-tie.

How does a ghost start a letter?

Tomb it may concern.

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

Where do ghost trains stop?

At devil crossings.

What do ghosts use to predict the future?

Horror-scopes!

What do ghosts use to phone home?

A terror-phone.

What do ghosts like about riding horses?

Ghoulloping.

What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

A poultry-geist.

How can you tell if a ghost is about to faint?

He gets pale as a sheet.

What do you call a ghost at midnight?

A sheet in the dark!

What do you call a ghost on the Internet?

E-erie.

How did the ghost patch his sheet?

With a pumpkin patch.

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?

A holy terror.

Why is a ghost like an empty house?

Because there's no body there!

You might also enjoy:

Holy Crap Jokes More Holy Crap Jokes

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

What goes in God's Toilet?

Holy crap.

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

Why was everyone shivering at the inauguration?

Because it's a cold day in hell....

Why in the hell would I clean my bathtub?

I put soap and water in there every day...

Macy Jokes More Macy Jokes

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?

Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!

Why did Michael Jackson go to Macy's?

He heard boys' pants were half off.

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?

A refund. credit to (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)

Where do Polar Bears keep their money?

In the Snowbank. My first post is a dad joke

Melt Jokes More Melt Jokes

Why don't you wear snow boots?

Because they'll melt.

What did water say when ice farted?

Ice melt it.

Whaler Jokes More Whaler Jokes

What is Captain Ahab's favorite reggae band?

Bob Marley and The Whalers!

Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?

The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

Trip Jokes More Trip Jokes

Why did Night fall?

Because Day tripped him.

What do you call the day before a trip to an otolaryngologist?

New Ears Eve

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What did Al Gore play on his guitar?

An algorithm.

Why can't Santa play in the NBA?

He has a no-trade Claus