Ghost Jokes

Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.

Why didn't the ghost have any children?

Because he had a Halloweenie!

Why didn't the ghost have any babies?

Because he had a Halloweenie! (Hollow-weenie)

Why did the ghost cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Who represents a Ghost in court?

A Paralegal.

How do ghosts like their chicken cooked?

Terri-fried!

What gives a ghost the right to haunt people?

A haunting license

Why did the ghosts haunt the bar?

For the boos.

Why don't ghosts play sports?

Boo!

What do these jokes and a ghost have in common?

Boo man! Boo!

What do ghosts use for lube?

Rectoplasm...

What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

What do ghosts wear?

Boo Jeans

Why didn't the ghost go to the dance?

He had no body to dance with

Why did the ghost get kicked out of the bar?

Because he was sheet faced.

Why did the ghost go into the elevator?

To lift his spirits.

How do Ghosts get Drunk?

Booze.

Why can't ghosts make babies?

They have hollow weenies!.... And I'll just see myself out.

Why does riding in an elevator make ghosts happy?

It lifts spirits

How do ghosts get ghouls interested in them?

They woooooooOOOOOOOooooo them.

Why was the ghost on an episode of Hoaders?

He was a little... Possesive

Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?

Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.

Why do ghosts say booOoOoo?

Because they are disappointed in you...

How do you date a ghost?

You 'WOOOO' him!

What do you call a ghost in the Outback?

An Apparigine!

What do you get if you cross Bambi and a ghost?

Bamboo

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?

One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost.

How do Ghosts lay foundations?

With a spirit level!

Why don't ghosts have kids?

Because they have Hollow-Weinies

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?

Hoblin Goblin.

What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you?

A phone moan.

Why do ghosts carry tissues?

Because they have BOOOOgers.

Why did the ghost go to the bar?

For the BOOOOze.

What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off?

Ban-she ban-she!

What's it called when you kidnap a ghost?

A Polter-Heist

Why are ghosts always dehydrated?

They have a lot of boos but no water

What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips?

Snacks that go crunch in the night.

Who's there! Boo! Boo who?

Just Boo! I'm a ghost!

How much for this melted ghost?

Sir that's a bed sheet "You have a lot of them! And they're packaged IS THIS GHOST HELL" This is a Macys

What happens when you goose a ghost?

You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)

What room does a ghost not need?

A living room

What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

A polterheist.

What's black on the outside, green on the inside and can go through walls?

Ghost avocado.

What did the ghost wearing sox say?

Shhoooooooooooooeeeeeesss!! Shoooooooooooooooooose!

Why did the little boy throw the linen off the bed when he saw a ghost?

He was scared sheetless.

Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?

The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

Who did the ghost invite to his party?

Anyone he could dig up.

Why do ghosts like going out?

So they can drink boo-ze and get sheet-faced.

What did one ghost say to the other?

Do you believe in people

What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub?

The landlord said "Sorry we don't serve spirits."

What do you get when you cross a ghost and a the letter K?

A book.

Why'd you give me ghost shaped candy?

Cuz you my BOO

What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment?

A phantomime!

Why did the car judder to a stop when it saw a ghost?

It had a nervous breakdown.

What did the ghost say during its planned act of terrorism?

Allaboo Akbar.

What is the proper way to address the king of the ghosts?

Your ghostliness.

What do ghosts watch if they want to relax?

Skelly-vision!

How do ghosts navigate the ocean?

They use boo-eys.

What part of the house does a ghost not use?

The living room

What gets you hot, baby?

Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*

Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?

They would steal all the boos.

What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?

Boo-meringue

When do ghosts play tricks on each other?

On April Ghoul's Day

What European capital has the most ghosts?

Boodapest!

How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat?

You use a spirit level.

What do you call the ghost of a dessert-chef who returns no matter how many times they're exorcised?

A boo-meringue

What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

The shadow of his former shelf.

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Why don't you go down on a girl in the morning?

Have you ever tried to split a grilled cheese

What did the angry dough ball say to the other dough ball?

You trying to get a rise out of me! Came up with while I was making pizza.

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Who writes all his plays on the Internet?

Will-e. Shakespeare.

How did I get the balls to write such a grotesque joke?

Gruesome.

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What did the stoic dolphin say to the whiny whale?

Cut out all that blubber and you can be more like me.

What's the M0D's name before they're triggered; turning into a furious, putrid, lump of blubber?

Bruce Banner

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What's better than a violin on your bed?

A fiddle between the sheets

What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A handful of sheet.

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What's Iron Man's favorite ride at the carnival?

The ferrous wheel.

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?

The roller ghosted.

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What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

Why couldn't Jesus waterski?

Because he never existed.

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How many sides does a pentagon have?

Jet fuel can't melt steel beams.

What did Amelia Earhart learn?

Triplane fuel can't melt sea beams.

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Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?

The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

How many letters are there in the Pirate Alphabet?

Ten. Aye, aye, arr, and the seven seas.