Ghost Jokes

Who do ghosts worship?

Boo, DUH!!!

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Where did the ghost go shopping?

At the BOO-tique

Where do ghosts live?

At the dead end.

What's the main religion of most ghosts?

Boo dism

What do you call the ghost who is a child-rearing expert?

Dr Spook.

Why do ghosts never age?

They use Bootox.

What do get when a ghost picks his nose?

Boooooogers!

What do ghosts serve for dessert?

I Scream.

Why were the ghosts wet and tired?

They had just dread-ged the lake.

Where do ghosts mail their letters?

At the ghost office.

What does a ghost wear when it's raining?

Boooooooooooooots

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Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?

It lifts their spirits.

What do you call a ghost that loves soccer?

Ghoooooooooooooouuull!

Where do ghosts go for their holidays?

The Dead Sea.

When do ghosts have to stop scaring people?

When they lose their haunting licenses.

Why don't ghosts like rainy days?

Because it dampens their souls!!!!

Where would you take a ghost for lunch?

Pizza Haunt!

Why does everyone love when a ghost goes to a party?

Because he always brings the boos

Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?

That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!

Why are ghosts always just moaning?

Did your manners die too Use your words!

What room is a ghost scared of?

The living room.

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What makes a ghost happy?

An elevator. It lifts the spirits.

What do you call ghosts that haunt liquor stores?

Spirits

When do ghosts usually appear?

Just before someone screams.

What did one ghost say to another ghost?

Do you believe in people

What does a libertarian apparition say to the cops?

Am I free to ghost

What does a ghost pick out of his nose?

Boo-gers

What do you call the ghost of a Native American accordion player?

Pocahontas

Which day of the week do ghosts like best?

Moandays.

What did the ghost serve at his Halloween party?

Hallowieners!

What do you call a ghost that stays out all night?

Afresh air freak.

What did one ghost say to another?

I'm sorry but I just don't believe in people.

What would Bill Nye be called if he spoke to ghosts?

Bill Nye the Seance guy.

Why do ghosts make the best thieves?

Because possession is 9/10 of the law

What kind of car do ghosts drive?

BOOgatti!

What does the ghost like on his roast beef?

Grave-y gravy

What directions did the ghost give the goblin?

"Make a fright turn at the corner."

What do you get if you cross a ghost and a newsreader?

A spooksman!

What ghost is handy in the kitchen?

A recipe spook.

Why the letter "G" is scary?

In one fine evening it can turn your host into... GHOST.

What do you call a ghost who's always sleeping?

Lazy bones.

What do you call a ghost without any feet?

A lost sole

Where does a ghost refuel his Porsche?

At a ghastly station.

Why didn't the ghost go to the dance party?

Because he had no-body to dance with.

What do you call a ghost who only haunts the Town Hall?

The nightmayor.

What do ghosts get arrested for?

Possession.

How do ghost listen to music?

With a bootooth

Which ghost ate too much porridge?

Ghouldilocks.

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?

MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

What happened to the ghost who couldn't scare?

He had to join a support group since he couldn't handle his boos.

What do ghosts call their true love?

Their ghoul-friend

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo jeans.

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What's better than having a garbanzo bean on your face?

Having a chickpea on your face.

Why don't chickens wear underwear?

Because their peckers are on their faces.

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Where do post go when they die in Reddit?

Everywhere else.

What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?

A refund. credit to (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)

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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

Because he needed his space.

What is the difference between my girlfriend and a washing machine?

After I dump my load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around.

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What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?

Pupil: Dead I didn't even know he was sick!

What did the car baby say to his car dad?

Hey dad, let's tell a joke for car ma!

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Why are A's like flowers?

Because B's go after them!

Why were the Native Americans upset when it rained in April?

Because April showers, bring May flowers!

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What did the black kid with diarrhea say to his mom?

Help! I'm melting!

Why don't you wear snow boots?

Because they'll melt.

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Why do elephants hide behind trees?

To trip ants.

What do you call the day before a trip to an otolaryngologist?

New Ears Eve