Ghost Jokes

Because they're always dead tired. I stole this from plain and simple. Just straight up stole it. Why? Because it made me laugh and I didn't see it posted here before.

Why didn't the ghost have any children?

Because he had a Halloweenie!

Why didn't the ghost have any babies?

Because he had a Halloweenie! (Hollow-weenie)

Why did the ghost cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Who represents a Ghost in court?

A Paralegal.

How do ghosts like their chicken cooked?

Terri-fried!

What gives a ghost the right to haunt people?

A haunting license

Why don't ghosts play sports?

Boo!

What do these jokes and a ghost have in common?

Boo man! Boo!

What do ghosts use for lube?

Rectoplasm...

What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

What do ghosts wear?

Boo Jeans

Why didn't the ghost go to the dance?

He had no body to dance with

Why did the ghost get kicked out of the bar?

Because he was sheet faced.

Why did the ghost go into the elevator?

To lift his spirits.

How do Ghosts get Drunk?

Booze.

Why can't ghosts make babies?

They have hollow weenies!.... And I'll just see myself out.

Why does riding in an elevator make ghosts happy?

It lifts spirits

How do ghosts get ghouls interested in them?

They woooooooOOOOOOOooooo them.

Why was the ghost on an episode of Hoaders?

He was a little... Possesive

Why do ghosts say booOoOoo?

Because they are disappointed in you...

How do you date a ghost?

You 'WOOOO' him!

What do you call a ghost in the Outback?

An Apparigine!

What do you get if you cross Bambi and a ghost?

Bamboo

How do Ghosts lay foundations?

With a spirit level!

Why don't ghosts have kids?

Because they have Hollow-Weinies

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?

Hoblin Goblin.

What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you?

A phone moan.

Why do ghosts carry tissues?

Because they have BOOOOgers.

Why did the ghost go to the bar?

For the BOOOOze.

What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off?

Ban-she ban-she!

What's it called when you kidnap a ghost?

A Polter-Heist

What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips?

Snacks that go crunch in the night.

Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who?

Just Boo! I'm a ghost!

How much for this melted ghost?

Sir that's a bed sheet "You have a lot of them! And they're packaged IS THIS GHOST HELL" This is a Macys

What happens when you goose a ghost?

You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)

What room does a ghost not need?

A living room

What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

A polterheist.

What's black on the outside, green on the inside and can go through walls?

Ghost avocado.

What did the ghost wearing sox say?

Shhoooooooooooooeeeeeesss!! Shoooooooooooooooooose!

Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?

The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

Who did the ghost invite to his party?

Anyone he could dig up.

Why do ghosts like going out?

So they can drink boo-ze and get sheet-faced.

What did one ghost say to the other?

Do you believe in people

What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub?

The landlord said "Sorry we don't serve spirits."

What do you get when you cross a ghost and a the letter K?

A book.

Why'd you give me ghost shaped candy?

Cuz you my BOO

What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment?

A phantomime!

Why did the car judder to a stop when it saw a ghost?

It had a nervous breakdown.

What is the proper way to address the king of the ghosts?

Your ghostliness.

What do ghosts watch if they want to relax?

Skelly-vision!

How do ghosts navigate the ocean?

They use boo-eys.

What part of the house does a ghost not use?

The living room

What gets you hot, baby?

Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*

Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?

They would steal all the boos.

What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?

Boo-meringue

When do ghosts play tricks on each other?

On April Ghoul's Day

What European capital has the most ghosts?

Boodapest!

How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat?

You use a spirit level.

What do you call the ghost of a dessert-chef who returns no matter how many times they're exorcised?

A boo-meringue

What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

The shadow of his former shelf.

What sort of underwear does the ghost of a French baker wear?

Boulangerie.

How do ghosts fly from one place to another?

By scareplane.

What happened to the ghost who went to a party?

He had a wail of a time.

What do you call a ghost in spring?

April ghouls

What do ghosts do when they're sad?

They get in an elevator to lift their spirits.

What do ghosts drink for Halloween?

BOOOOZE!

What did the ghost say on December 25th?

Scary Christmas!

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?

The roller ghosted.

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?

A boo-tie.

How does a ghost start a letter?

Tomb it may concern.

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

Where do ghost trains stop?

At devil crossings.

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Roller Jokes More Roller Jokes

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?

The roller ghosted.

Sail Jokes More Sail Jokes

Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?

The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

When is the best time to sail?

Schooner than later.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if there's a mosquito in your bed?

By the "M" on his pajamas.

How do you tell an introvert and an extrovert mathematician apart?

When talking to you, the extrovert mathematician looks at *your* shoes.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Who busted you out of Iraq?

Well actually, I-ran

Why is the Kentucky Derby run in a circle?

They like horsin' around.

Carnival Jokes More Carnival Jokes

What's Iron Man's favorite ride at the carnival?

The ferrous wheel.

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?

The roller ghosted.

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

How many men escaped the destruction of Sodom?

A Lot.

Why did the man invest in the kilovolt battery?

He thought it had a lot of potential.

Bed Sheet Jokes More Bed Sheet Jokes

What do you call a beetle in the bed sheets?

John Linen

How much for this melted ghost?

Sir that's a bed sheet "You have a lot of them! And they're packaged IS THIS GHOST HELL" This is a Macys

Guest Jokes More Guest Jokes

Whats the worst the thing about having to attend a funeral?

The guest of honor always shows up late!

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

The bride and all her guests, apparently.