Hospital Jokes

Why did the French geologist have to go to the hospital?

He had Gaul stones.

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Why did the dog go to the hospital?

He was feeling ruff.

What kind of fish can you find in a hospital?

A sturgeon.

Who's the most popular guy in the hospital?

The Ultra Sound guy. Who is it when he's not there? The Hip Replacement guy.

Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?

The ultrasound guy

What do you call it when you can't decide between a natural birth and the hospital?

A midwife crisis.

Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed?

He had a staff infection...

Who's the coolest guy at the hospital?

The ultra sound guy.

What is the worst place to hide in a hospital?

The ICU (I-see-you!)

What kind of doctor never leaves the hospital?

An Oncologist

Who are the most decent people in the hospital?

The ultrasound people.!!

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What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital?

Donor Kebab

What do you call the vehicle used to carry Henry VIII's second wife to the hospital?

An Anne-Boleyn-ce.

Why did the cannibal get banned from the hospital?

He kept trying the doctors patients(patience)

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

A. The Ultrasound Guy

Why'd the cookie go to the hospital?

It was feeling a little crumby.

Why did the narcissistic cannibal end up in the hospital?

Because he was so full of himself.

What vehicle do bicycle riders take to the hospital?

An Ambulance Armstrong

How can you tell who's the head nurse at a hospital?

It's the one who has knee pads on.

What is a stalkers favorite part of a hospital?

The I see you.

Who's the laziest doctor at the hospital?

Doctor Dolittle

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Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

Why was the peanut rushed to the hospital?

He was "a salted."

Why did the woman's visit to Wall Street land her in the hospital?

Because the stock broker!

How did the pig get to the hospital?

In a hambulance.

Who is the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultrasound man.

Whos the coolest guy in hospital?

The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy

What do you call the nicest guy in the hospital?

The Ultra-sound guy..... Who covers him when he's not available The hip replacement guy!

Why did the vampire go to hospital?

He wanted his ghoulstones removed.

What part of the hospital does John Cena hate the most?

The ICU

Why did the monster go into hospital?

To have his ghoul-stones removed.

Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling very well.

What was the atmosphere like in the silent wooden part of a hospital?

It was an oakward experience.

Who is the coolest guy at the hospital?

The ultra sound guy. And who covers when hes off sick The hip replacement guy.

Who is the coolest guy in a hospital. The ultra sound guy. Whos the coolest when he is off?

The hip replacement guy. /dad

What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?

I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!

Who's the friendliest person at the hospital?

The ultra sound guy.

How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse at a hospital?

She's the one with the dirty knees.

Why don't they use Macs/iPads in hospitals?

Because using an Apple a day keeps the doctors away.

What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital?

ICU

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?

If one bit you you could ride it to hospital!

What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?

With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell.

What would happen if black widow spiders were as big as horses?

If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital.

What do you call an imp that is rushes to the hospital?

Impatient OC from r/dadjokes

Why should you always tend sheep near a hospital?

Because at any moment they could bleet out

Where is the worst place to play hide and seek in a hospital?

In the I.C.U.

Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital?

In the ICU.

Why was the doctor forced to leave work early?

The hospital ran all out of patience

Why did the man bring his bed with him to the hospital?

It's because he heard hospital beds have a high mortality rate.

Why did the cat go to the hospital?

To have a CAT scan done.

How do pigs gets to hospital?

In a hambulance

What's worse than being uncomfortable at the hospital?

Being made comfortable.

Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?

The hip Doctor!

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How much longer do I have doc?

Doctor: "Ten." Patient: "Ten what " Doctor: "Nine..."

Why is a doctor always calm?

He got a lot of patients

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Why didn't George like driving through tunnels with people in his car?

He didn't want to get carpool tunnel syndrome.

Why didn't Lebron go to college?

He didn't want to show up for the finals

Squirrel Jokes More Squirrel Jokes

What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety?

Squirrels they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.

Why did the squirrel cross the road on the telephone wire?

To be on the safe side!

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Where is the best place to find hot grills?

A barbecue

What does Fozzie the Bear do when he can't find a ride?

Walk-a Walk-a

Shell Jokes More Shell Jokes

What do you call a girl shell?

A she shell.

How do tacos fair in a war?

They tend to be shells of their former selves

Hip Replacement Guy Jokes More Hip Replacement Guy Jokes

Whos the coolest guy in hospital?

The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy

Who is the coolest guy in a hospital. The ultra sound guy. Whos the coolest when he is off?

The hip replacement guy. /dad

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did the man use deodorant to fix a broken window?

He read that it was an invisible solid.

Why did the man go to the doctor after taking his friend to work?

He had carpool tunnel

Drone Jokes More Drone Jokes

What's the difference between a School and an ISIS training ground?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone

What's the difference between a preschool and a terrorist training camp?

Don't ask me...I just fly the drones!