Hog Jokes

What do you call a pig sitting on a hog?

Usually they prefer to be called "officer"

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What do you call a book case hogging all the books?

Shelf-ish

Why are Wayne and Garth banned from playgrounds?

They hog the Schwing set.

Where do hogs keep their money?

In piggy banks.

Why do pigs make good spies?

They're excellent at going in-hog-nito.

Why does Sean Connery hog all of the oysters at a seafood dinner?

Because it's shellfish.

What is the difference between a hog and a man?

A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig.

What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur?

Sir Lunchalot.

Why did the little piglet fall in love with the hog?

Because he was such a sloppy dresser.

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?

Hog and kisses!

How do you know your boyfriend loves you?

SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

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Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

Why was the violin coach arrested?

He was fiddling with the kids. *

Why are they arresting that dog?

What did he do?!? (My 6yo upon seeing a police dog sitting in the back of a police car.)

Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

What do you call a pig making cookies?

Bakin'!

What do you get when you cross a pig with an elephant?

A very large animal that knows a lot of jokes.

Farmer Jokes More Farmer Jokes

What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing?

That's not my stile.

What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?

Paul stop monkeying around!

Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

What grows on Seasame Street?

I dunno, a Grover something.

What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?

Join the Hare Force.

King Arthur Jokes More King Arthur Jokes

Why did King Arthur leave no heir?

He was legendary for pulling out.

What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur?

Sir Lunchalot.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

What do SQL programmers do at night?

Count star.

Officer Jokes More Officer Jokes

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

What's the hurry?

Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now.

Book Jokes More Book Jokes

What is the oldest joke in the book?

The first one written

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. Credit: Nicholas Sparks from his book 'See Me' which I am reading now.