Peace Jokes

What did the stamp say to the envelope?

Stick with me man... We'll go places. Peace. Hmath out.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

What did the BMW say to the Audi on the side of the road?

Rust-in-peace.

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Why is there all this hate against necromancers?

They are just trying to raise a family in peace.

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend?

Rip in peace

What is the opposite of peace?

Is the question.

What did GB say to EU?

Peace out, EUROn EUROwn!

Why can't there ever be peace in the Middle East?

We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That's why.

What were the martyr's last words?

I believe in peace in our time

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Who's no chicken?

Donald Duck.

Why are you upset?

Her: Me: Was it the Donald- Her: Yes, it was the Donald Duck voice.

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How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who wants to know?

What did the mad cow say to the other cow?

You don't want beef with me

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How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb?

Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her.

Why is everyone afraid of Vladimir Putin?

Because Vlad is Putin everyone in their place.

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What clothing designer do vampires prefer to wear?

Alexander Fang

What's Alex's (from 'A Clockwork Orange') preferred type of light?

Ultraviolent

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What's worse than being stuck in traffic behind a driver that's vaping?

Realizing that your being intently watched for your reaction to their sic clouds - BEST RECOGNIZE!

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

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Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts?

He hates camping

Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters?

Because he hates capitalism.

Islam Jokes More Islam Jokes

How do you a convert a number to a radical?

You convert it to Islam.

Why are Muslim men allowed 4 wives?

Because "Islam gives women equal rights!"

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Why is Kim Jong Un like todays music?

They both ain't got the same Seoul.

Where'd ya get it?

The parrot says, "Africa." (I don't know if you know this one, but I just heard it today)