Peace Jokes

What did the stamp say to the envelope?

Stick with me man... We'll go places. Peace. Hmath out.

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What did the BMW say to the Audi on the side of the road?

Rust-in-peace.

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Why is there all this hate against necromancers?

They are just trying to raise a family in peace.

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend?

Rip in peace

What did GB say to EU?

Peace out, EUROn EUROwn!

Why can't there ever be peace in the Middle East?

We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That's why.

What were the martyr's last words?

I believe in peace in our time

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What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Jeffrey Dahmer!

Why can't a vegetable win an argument?

Cuz he always uses a straw, man!

Bmw Jokes More Bmw Jokes

What is the difference between a BMW and a baby carriage?

The baby carriage is the result of last year's fun on wheels.

Why do men like BMWs?

Because they can spell it.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

How old were you on your last birthday?

Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday Ten. Oh I don't think that's possible. Oh yes it is - I'm nine today.

Why did the lollipop cross the road?

Cause it was stuck to the chicken. I heard that on the radio today. I LOLed.

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How did The Hulk feel after trying to lift Mjolnir?

He felt Thor.

What do you do on a remote island?

Try and find the TV island it belongs to.

Rest Jokes More Rest Jokes

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

What's it called when you try not to get knocked unconscious by a Taser?

Resisting a rest.

Bruce Lee Jokes More Bruce Lee Jokes

What's Bruce Lee's favourite drink?

WAAAAAATEEEEERRRR

What do you call a peaceful Bruce Lee?

Gent Lee (Gently)

Jerusalem Jokes More Jerusalem Jokes

How did Jesus get across Jerusalem on a busy Friday afternoon?

Cross traffic doesn't stop.

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Ruin Jokes More Ruin Jokes

What's an archaeologist?

Someone whose career is in ruins.

Who is an archaeologist?

One whose career is in ruins.