Bmw Jokes

What don't BMWs have that all other manufacturers do?

Turn signals

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What are mixed feelings?

Watching your mother-in-law backing up towards the edge of a cliff in your new BMW.

What is the tastiest car ever?

The BMW I8.

What did the BMW say to the Audi on the side of the road?

Rust-in-peace.

Why couldn't the BMW fit into a narrow parking stall at Target?

Because it was being driven by a woman

Why do men like BMWs?

Because they can spell it.

What do you call a blonde in a BMW?

Optional.

What is the difference between a BMW and a baby carriage?

The baby carriage is the result of last year's fun on wheels.

What's the difference between a sliced up body and a new BMW?

I don't have a new BMW in my garage.

What do you get when BMW, Volkswagen, and Callaway design a car together?

A Mini Golf.

What's the difference between me and a pigeon?

A pigeon can make a deposit on a BMW

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Whats a dentists favorite time of day?

The time of day he get into his BMW to go home from the dentists office after touching mouths all day

Why do blondes drive BMWs?

A1: Because they can spell it. A2: Because they can spell BWM.

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Why did the golfer wear two pair of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

What should be done in case of apparent drowning?

Take the parent out of the water

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What do you call a electric Volkswagen?

A **Volts**wagon

What's harder than getting a pregnant elephant into a Volkswagen?

Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen.

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What is a black mans favorite Halloween costume?

Robbin Hood

How do you get a black man to stop jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

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How do porcupines hug?

Carefully!

What do you get it you cross a porcupine with a giraffe?

A long necked toothbrush.

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What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars?

Top Gear,

What type of pants do you need to start a car?

Cargo pants

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What does a sperm cell have in common with a lawyer?

Both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

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Why did Oscar Pistorius lose his court case?

He hadn't got a leg to stand on.

Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?

For the watch

Cactus Jokes More Cactus Jokes

How do you react when looking in the mirror?

You cry because you shoved a cactus up your peckar.

Why did the cactus cross the road?

It got stuck to the chicken.